Enlish

Showing posts with label Geek Shit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Geek Shit. Show all posts

Sunday, 15 May 2016

Ric Branson : The UK G.O.A.T. Who Did The One Thing That Jay-Z Could Not (+ NEW TRACK)

Azealia Banks has clearly never heard of Ric Branson.


Coincidentally, at a time when the ‘swag’ (or accused lack thereof) of UK Rappers – Grime, Hip Hop or otherwise – has been brought into question by a mentally ill, racist, homophobic, Trump endorsing, contradictory and all around repulsive troll of a woman, what better time is there than to reflect upon my own personal favourite UK rapper of all time – a gent that places firmly in my ‘Top 5, Dead or Alive’ list – the man formerly known as Ric Branson, also once known as Ricochet from the trail blazing UK golden era rap crew, Universal Soldiers. A man that, before the word even existed in this context, was the living and breathing definition of ‘swag’ personified.


As we near the 10 year anniversary point of his debut (and only) solo release project, ‘No Pressure’, I inexplicably find myself pondering more and more as to what happened to this outrageously talented guy. I won’t go into too much detail yet – I’m currently in the process of attempting to track him down to conduct a sort of retrospective interview/oral history (wish me luck) – but needless to say those that are aware of the musical contributions of the former artist known as Ricochet must be wondering where he is and what he’s been up to, much like myself. For those of you that have never heard of Ricochet/Ric Branson and Universal Soldiers (including rhyme partner Ultra and producer A H Fly), there’s no shame in your game..... The real shame would be that you live your life in ignorance of the music of this elusive yet supremely talented MC. The ‘end game of shame’ would be that their music simply disappears from the rap public’s conscious altogether – even upon extensive searches and re-searches on the internet only the barest bones of information is available, comprising a few old interviews on long defunct websites, some grainy photographs at minimal resolution on Google images and thankfully many songs that some forward thinking types have kindly uploaded to youtube. You can’t buy the music anywhere online it seems – all online retailers list as being sold out – and it was only by chance that I managed to grab a copy of ‘No Pressure’ off of discogs recently (my original copy is locked somewhere in Dad’s attic in Cornwall with the Street Veterans 12"s).



For those of you that really don’t know, I’ll give you the briefest of rundowns. Back when Low Life Records really started hitting in the early 2000’s and Braintax (boo!), Taskforce, Jehst, Tommy Evans, Champions Of Nature and a few notable others were creating and releasing music that would become the backbone of the Golden Age of UK Hip Hop for those in my age group, Universal Soldiers were right there doing the same thing too. But Universal were different. I won’t comment on Ultra and Fly at this point, but Universal were known for one thing and one thing only – Road. Life on, life off, it all revolved around being On Road.


Speaking of Ric specifically, all I can say (whilst still attempting to keep it brief) is the following : Impeccable flow. Effortless lyricism. Story telling par excellence. The clear ability to murder a rapper in a battle (not that we ever got to see that happen – shame). And, most crucially, at the back end of the period of time when everyone and their mum was swearing they were ‘keeping it real’, Ric kept it realer than possibly any other rapper I can think of (with the exception of C-Murder). He was – not unashamedly so, as hints of shame crept in here and there – a hustler. Some of the stories he told may have been ever so slightly embellished, but a large part of me doubts that. Ric was out to get his on his own terms and these escapades have been thankfully documented in excruciating detail for all to enjoy.



To this day – maybe even more so now – I find the amount of personal detail that he included in his music shocking, but in a good way. He detailed his movements, plans and the executions of his Grand Visions seamlessly, always nonchalant but never without the underlying current of seriousness and sincerity. I’m not going to go too far into the nuts and bolts of the content at this point – that will come later, dependent on the result of my search for an interview – but suffice to say that if you have listened to his music and have been privileged enough to have moved in some of the same creative circles as I have (with those that know or knew the man on a creative/personal level) then you know that through hard graft, street smarts and an unrivalled business acumen he moved himself into a position by which he was able to officially retire from multiple ‘urban employments’, so to say, to pursue far more lucrative and ultimately legitimate means of existence. I believe Nas referred to it as ‘A Hustler’s Dream’, and this particular dream was cleverly documented in a way that I personally have never seen or heard of before or since. Basically, the guy is a fucking genius. ‘Listen to Mad Runningz and you know my past – I don’t just move food, blud, I show some class’.

 

Partly to satisfy my own urges – and partly to see if it may help me gain contact with the man – I have been so bold as to jack an entire track from his classic ‘No Pressure’ release and drop a verse of my own after his. I haven’t just jacked the beat; I’ve jacked the man’s verse, too.


A bold move, and one that could potentially backfire, but after repeated listens to ‘Street Veterans’, ‘Slanguage’ (a vastly underrated UK classic) and ‘No Pressure‘ over the last few weeks I was reminded that many years ago I contacted Ric to ask if he would like to drop a verse on my album in progress at the time, ‘Cold Lazarus’.



Having sent a message through Myspace (yes, Myspace) asking if he would jump on a track – money was involved, of course – I received a very pleasant message back essentially stating that which I already knew – that Ric was firmly retired from rap and it was going to stay that way. For good. This must have been back around 2007-2008 and despite the fact I did manage to secure a verse from the one and only Sean Price – my favourite rapper of all time – I am still disappointed to this day that I could not coax one more 16 out of the sliver-tongued street entrepreneur known as Juggla Redz. ‘Enlish featuring Sean Price and Ric Branson of Universal Soldiers’ sounds pretty sweet to me.


On more than one occasion Ric referred to himself as or compared himself to the ‘Scarlet Pimpernel’, the protagonist of an age old tale of English chivalry. A cursory glance at Wikipedia reveals that the Pimpernel’s successes are firmly rooted in the masterful use of disguises and strict secrecy of his group's movements. His identity is secret to all but his men. With this in mind, I must admit that my own chances of tracking down an ex-rapper after close to a decade of complete radio silence seem slim, and that’s putting it lightly. However, I will not be dissuaded. Not yet, anyway.



NOTE : I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE TEXT IS NOW IN A WHITE BOX AND I'M CERTAINLY NOT TECH ENOUGH TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO CHANGE IT. SORRY. 

Being an aging backpack rapper constantly verging on rap retirement, I am now looking into new ways of exploring my love for Hip Hop culture without jostling for elbow room with every other fucker and his brother who has figured out how to shout at Garageband. I will continue to make music as and when I feel the urge, but having spent some time thinking about it recently I have realised that I have vastly underestimated the influence and effect that Hip Hop from the UK had on me between the years 2000-2007. The aforementioned artists, and many others, are all legends in their own right, yet we here in the UK seem to put a shockingly small amount of stock in celebrating their music and their legacies, regardless of how ‘garden variety’ they may appear to be.


Not only is this a crying shame, but it is also indicative of the throwaway culture that the internet and social media has caused music to become. The artists of the Low Life and YNR rosters, as well as many, many others of the same era deserve our praise and gratitude for forcing their music out at a time when it was not as easy as uploading an mp3 or filming oneself rapping on a front-to-back mobile telephone. These guys grafted their hearts out to produce high quality music on white label vinyl with hand written stickers and shot them hand to hand in the pre-50 Cent mix CD era. These guys deserve our respect, yes, but they also deserve to not be forgotten simply because the wheels of ‘progress’ refuse to stop increasing their speed.



I am pursuing other artists from the same era for the same purpose (big up Devise and hopefully Yungun/Essa – fingers crossed, it’ll be a great story), but my starting point has to be with the one MC from the UK who not only had the greatest influence on me personally but whose music and style has, to my ears, not aged a jot in the best part of a decade. If anything the intricate rhymes, smooth flows, effortless storytelling and the fantastic reality weaved into all of the above have actually gotten better over time. Some age like vinegar, some age like wine.


Ricochet was and remains to be one of my favourite Hip Hop artists of all time, UK or otherwise. I would absolutely love to sit down with him – only if he’s willing, obviously, and I’d understand if not – and see if I can’t contribute to empowering his mythical status in my own way – respectfully -  to show people what a refined talent he truly was.




Oh, and seeing as I just completely jacked a Ric Branson verse without any permission whatsoever I figured I might as well go ahead and completely jack an Elzhi verse too. It’s not like I can afford to pay the man. In for a penny, in for a pound.


Wondering what happened to your favourite MC? Got similar taste in music to me? Holler at me on Twitter and I’ll see what I can do. @Enlish.



Wednesday, 19 February 2014

A Bit Of Light Reading


Following on from my personally revelatory research into the theories surrounding Michael Jordan being a douchebag, I have just begun reading this book and am halfway through already. More fuel to the fire. It’s actually pretty well written and comes highly recommended if you like this sort of thing.

Far from being a coherent unit bursting at the seams with selflessness and brotherly love, it paints the Bulls to be a bunch of underpaid, whinging tossers who are constantly back biting each other and living in the eternal fear of being traded. So far nobody has come off worse than Jordan. I’m halfway through the book, which on the timeline equals halfway through the season, and as the situation currently stands it seems incredibly unlikely that they are going to win the championship.

Only they did. 23 years ago. Pretty trippy stuff, dude. 




Saturday, 15 February 2014

Michael Jordan Is An Absolute Asshole?

Greetings, dear friends. It's been a while. Fresh off an extensive break from sharing my solid gold opinions on this informative super highway of ours, I thought I might once again dip my fungal-infected toes in the tepid pond of the intraweb. It is my intention to work myself up to finally writing my letter to Jay Electronica after the horrific experience of seeing him 'performing' live last year (long story), but more recently I have once again felt the urge to write due to being inspired by the deluded ravings and bad grammar of certain blog-happy-know-it-alls that continuously talk utter shite about things that they clearly know nothing about. You know who you are. Anyway, I digress. Onto the feature presentation : ARSEHOLE?

I am a massive Michael Jordan fan. Alway have been, always will be. He is the greatest Basketball player of all time. This is an indisputable fact. It's not just the numbers he put up that made him the greatest, however; for many years people have been quick to pinpoint his unparalleled drive to win and his inhuman competitive spirit as the foundation for the super human feats that he achieved during his storied career.

Having fiercely guarded his personal life and opinions over the years due to the scrutinising and invasive nature of the media glare that was constantly upon him for so many years, coupled with the general reverence that he has always been shown by fans and critics alike, it was only a matter of time before stories of the more nauseating side of his nature became apparent. Below follows a short selection of tales from reliable sources which give a slight glimpse into the man that I and many others have idolised for such a long time.

I still love Mike, don't get me wrong, but after reading these little (lifted) tidbits I can't help but imagine that the man is most likely a complete c*nt. The moral of the story : don't rely on your idols to actually be nice people. We've all been there (Can anyone say Raekwon The Chef? What a knob).

  Text lifted from http://bleacherreport.com/.

POOR MUGGSY BOGUES

In the Bulls’ first-round battle against the Charlotte Hornets in 1995 after Jordan’s highly touted comeback to the NBA, Jordan didn’t hesitate to leave his mark. According to former Bulls assistant coach Johnny Bach, Jordan was guarding Muggsy Bogues (who was all of 5 foot 3) when this happened: On the biggest possession of the game, Muggsy had the ball with the Hornets down one. Jordan backed off of him and told him, 'Shoot it, you f***ing midget.' Muggsy shot it, didn’t come close. A year later Muggsy actually told Johnny Bach that he believes that single play ruined his career. His shot never recovered. The next year, Bogues’ career certainly started to decline. Whether or not Jordan was the primary reason for this is up to debate.


POOR RODNEY MCCRAY

Rodney McCray joined the Chicago Bulls in the 1992-1993 season at the age of 31. He was a very serviceable forward who had just averaged 16.6 points and 8.2 rebounds three years prior. Eager to win a title, he was willing to come off the bench to help the Bulls. He had no idea what would come next. When asked by Sports Illustrated, a former teammate of Michael Jordan had this to say: 'He's the most viciously competitive player I've ever seen. That's what makes him, I think, the greatest player ever. He has practically ruined [reserve forward] Rodney McCray for us.' When the two players are on opposite teams in scrimmages, the source says, "[ Jordan] is in Rodney's face, screaming, 'You're a loser! You've always been a loser!' Rodney can hardly put up a jumper now.’ McCray ended up winning a title that year, but only averaged 15.9 minutes per game. It was also the last season he ever played.

POOR KWAME BROWN

Kwame Brown has become one of the biggest NBA draft busts of all time. He stands as one example of young talented phenoms who never lived up to their hype. However, his situation as a Washington Wizard certainly wasn’t helped by the general manager who drafted him. In a Sports Illustrated article by L. Jon Wertheim: As a leader Jordan proved more tormentor than mentor. Many Washington players got the business end of a Jordan harangue, but he designated second-year forward Kwame Brown as the whipping boy…A source told SI that Jordan ritually reduced Brown to tears in front of the team. The article continues that Jordan called Kwame Brown expletives, including homophobic remarks, according to The Washington Post.

POOR CHARLES BARKLEY

The 1993 NBA Finals was a showdown between two of NBA’s biggest superstars of all time: Charles Barkley of the Phoenix Suns and Michael Jordan of the Bulls. They were also great friends who went golfing together in the middle of the championship series. According to Bulls assistant coach Johnny Bach: The day before game 4 of the Bulls Suns finals with the Bulls leading the series 2-1. Michael and Charles Barkley went golfing. They played 48 holes of golf. And Michael bought Charles a $20,000 diamond earring. Johnny asked MJ, “what did you do all that for?” Michael responded, “he won’t get in my way the rest of the series, what’s $20,000 to me? Charles thinks we’re great friends. I hate that fat f—.” Jordan dropped 55 in game 4 and Barkley never touched him once.

Another example of MJ parring off one of his supposed best friends is below, something that he vehemently denied after Pip snitched on him. Seems far more believable now though.

And finally, his Hall Of Fame Induction speech is the icing on the cake. He's still a legend, he'll always be a legend, but lord almighty the man sounds like an insufferable prick . Test below lifted from an article by Rick Reilly @ ESPN.com. Full piece HERE.

Michael Jordan's Hall of Fame talk was the Exxon Valdez of speeches. It was, by turns, rude, vindictive and flammable. And that was just when he was trying to be funny. It was tactless, egotistical and unbecoming. When it was done, nobody wanted to be like Mike. In the entire 23-minute cringe-athon, there were only six thank yous, seven if you count his sarcastic rip at the very Hall that was inducting him. "Thank you, Hall of Fame, for raising ticket prices, I guess," he sneered.

By comparison, David Robinson's classy and heartfelt seven-minute speech had 17. Joe Montana's even shorter speech in Canton had 23. Who wrote your speech Mike? Kanye West? Nobody was spared, including his high school coach, his high school teammate, his college coach, two of his pro coaches, his college roommate, his pro owner, his pro general manager, the man who was presenting him that evening, even his kids! "I wouldn't want to be you guys if I had to," he said as they squirmed in their seats.

Monday, 17 October 2011

The Karate Kid Chronicles Vol. 4

...One after the other. Lets go.

Well, it seems that its not just me that has an affinity for the Karate Kid.... Go check out Low Budget's Kaimbr on bandcamp for his new(ish) project 'Mr Miyagi', an instrumental album taking both music and inspiration from the first 3 Karate Kid flicks (but thankfully not the 4th, which is absolute horse shit, or the equally appalling recent remake).

http://kaimbr.bandcamp.com/



I smell a little side project coming up. Stay tuned.

The Karate Kid Chronicles Vol. 3



Ok, so if you hadn't noticed by now, I've got somewhat of an affinity for The Karate Kid (the film, that is, of course). I think this is mainly attributable to the fact that it is one of very few films that I saw as a youngster that has actually maintained its appeal into my adult years, unlike so many others (the original Adam West Batman flick, for example). As a child the film inspired me to take up Karate myself (due in no small part to the 'You're The Best' montage at the end tournament and the now legendary yet totally unfeasible crane kick), until I had my ass royally kicked a good few weeks in a row (see here for details). As an adult, it is the music, scenery and script that now hold the most interest for me... I mean, people actually came up with the concept of Mr Miyagi and the riddle filled wisdom he spouts at LaRusso; Bill Conti murks the score (panpipes included) and its just one of those flicks that I can happily go back to over and over again that inspires me to go out and crane kick kids in their early 20's dressed in skinny jeans and snapbacks.

Anyway, as coincidence would have it, youtube suggested the following video for me, and what was I to find but the director himself, John G Avildsen, had uploaded the entire film in its original form, i.e. the rehearsal tapes that were made before principal photography began, deleted scenes and all. This may not interest many, or indeed any of you, but I am an absolute fucking geek for this shit so it interested me, and thats what matters. Here follows the first part of 12 in all; the other 11 are easily locatable once you've watched this, should you feel the need. Observe and enjoy.

Friday, 22 July 2011

The Karate Kid Chronicles Vol. 2



John Kreese. Everybody hated this dude, without exception. When I was a kid I thought he was the embodiment of pure evil, not only because he encouraged the Cobra Kai students to be absolute pricks at any and every given opportunity, but because as a very young man he scared the shit out of me. As Mr Miyagi said himself - "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher. Teacher say, student do." Sounds like my first driving instructor, although that’s a different story entirely. I still hate both of them, but probably Kreese just a little bit more.



Anyway, from day dot it became plainly obvious to me that there was nothing worse in this world than a bad Karate teacher. Luckily, my Karate teacher was not an inherently evil, psychologically imbalanced sociopath, so I was safe , but it is a shame to say that not all of us were so fortunate. An unjust, hilarious shame.



Take my boy Birdseye for example. He recently got married and this particular story formed part of my best man's speech at the wedding reception. At the tender age of 14 he began his Karate schooling under the watchful eye of one 'Sensei' Richard Millen at the Millen Kai Dojo, spurred on by a fascination with 'the way of the open hand' and, as is usually the case, the urge to become a super badass chop socky dude, contrary to all of the rules and policies involved in taking Karate seriously. However, after a period of two years intensive study, it must have been quite obvious that Birdseye was more than dedicated to the art, attending the dojo 3 or 4 times a week and sometimes more in an effort to become an unstoppable killing machine/master of mind, body and spirit.



Having amassed a number of impressive accolades over the years, including both regional and national Karate championship competition wins to help solidify his position and standing as a black belt master of the art, it is somewhat bizarre that some of Sensei Millen's dubious teaching techniques did not warrant a number of raised eyebrows from both the students and, in many cases, the parents of the students who attended the dojo on a weekly basis.



One of these methods, as I have been told, involved Sensei Millen picking a student at random who was subsequently blindfolded and then made to stand in the centre of a ring of other students. Once in place, the circle of students were then instructed to attack the blindfolded student at random and without warning, with Sifu instructing the blindfoldee to use their natural instinct and chi energy to deflect the attacks without using their sight. Imagine Luke in Star Wars Episode IV trying to deflect the laser blasts from the remote droid on the Millennium Falcon with the blast shield on his helmet down, then multiply the remote droid by 7 or 8 and you begin to get the picture. You then multiply this technique by X amount of days, adding in any other amount of bizarre 'training techniques' and then spread the entire experience over 2 years. Sounds pretty fucking bizarre, doesn't it?



Fast forward to age 16 and in a conscientious effort to ace his GCSE's, young padawan Birdseye decides to take a break from his gruelling schedule at the dojo to focus on his studies. Then, fast forward again another 2 months or so to imagine a young, fresh-out-of-exams Birdseye rocking up to the dojo to continue his studies and emphatically "finish what he started." THEN, imagine his surprise when he finds the dojo to have been shut down. Permanently.

Funnily enough, it would later transpire that 'Sensei' Richard Millen had not, in fact, achieved any of the accolades that he had boasted of, not only including his competition wins but more critically his grading of black belt and therefore his legal and moral position to in fact teach Karate at all. Basically, Millen knew about as much about Karate as your grandmother (assuming your grandmother is not a master of Karate, of course) and had fabricated his entire back story to make money through the exploitation of unassuming and eager students. I mean, defending yourself, blindfolded, in a ring of random attackers? Maybe a lifelong Shaolin monk could do that, but even then maybe not. I'd like to know what the fuck was going through his mind and if, at any point, he felt any remorse or guilt for what he was doing.



Despite the fact that Birdseye was able laugh this whole situation off, others were not so lucky, having studied under Millen for many years before being led to believe that they really were black belts. I can't imagine how absolutely soul-crushingly devastating that realisation must have been. Needless to say, Sensei Millen was very quickly tried and subsequently convicted of committing fraud on a major (yet very unusual scale) and was consequently sent to jail, never to be heard of again. It was then his turn to experience the words 'attack' and 'ring' on a daily basis, although in a far more intrusive way.

So, its back to the wisdom of Mr Miyagi. "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." At least Kreese actually knew Karate.

Thursday, 12 May 2011

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II Society

LOL. Big up Daps for sending this through.

Thursday, 5 May 2011

Extended Leave (AWOL?)

Greetings all. Apologies for my lack of blog action as of late, not only have I been shamelessly promoting my music in every conceivable way possible (buy it), I have also been in Brighton getting licked since saturday and house sitting for DJ Manipulate, which includes looking after his monster attack dog, Bonehead. Don't try and get in here, she'll tear pieces off you.

Anyway, today I'm off to Cornwall for my boy Mick Glacier's stag do. I am the best man at the wedding and therefore in charge of making sure everyone gets BATTERED. Job done. Just look at the pic... you think this dude needs any help? Really?





PURCHASE 'MESSED UP' FT DJ MANIPULATE & 'ARROGANCE IS BLISS' FT. SEAN PRICE, STIG OF THE DUMP AND DJ MANIPULATE FOR THE TINY SUM OF £3.00 AND RECEIVE THE 'RAP AIN'T REAL, MY LIFE IS REAL' LP FOR ABSOLUTELY FREE!

CLICK THE ENLISH BANNER ABOVE OR THE SMALL ALI PIC TO THE RIGHT TO GO STRAIGHT TO THE BANDCAMP!

LINKS -

BANDCAMP (£3 FOR 14 TRACKS)

ITUNES (£0.79 FOR THE SINGLE SONG)





PRESS


RAWTALK INTERVIEW

KNOWLEDGE MAGAZINE

UK ALL DAY

BLACK BUDGET ENTERTAINMENT

STYLE43

NAHRIGHT (SCROLL DOWN, POSTED AS A BONUS, MESSED UP THE EMBED LINK BUT OH WELL, THEYRE GOOD PPLS...)

And last but not least, the cock chewing 2DOPEBOYZ - Feel free to leave a comment cussing them like a couple other people have for their snide and sarcastic comments.

NEW BATTLE VERSUS CRUGER, CHECK IT OUT






PURCHASE 'MESSED UP' FT DJ MANIPULATE & 'ARROGANCE IS BLISS' FT. SEAN PRICE, STIG OF THE DUMP AND DJ MANIPULATE FOR THE TINY SUM OF £3.00 AND RECEIVE THE 'RAP AIN'T REAL, MY LIFE IS REAL' LP FOR ABSOLUTELY FREE!

CLICK THE ENLISH BANNER ABOVE OR THE SMALL ALI PIC TO THE RIGHT TO GO STRAIGHT TO THE BANDCAMP!

LINKS -

BANDCAMP (£3 FOR 14 TRACKS)

ITUNES (£0.79 FOR THE SINGLE SONG)





PRESS


RAWTALK INTERVIEW

KNOWLEDGE MAGAZINE

UK ALL DAY

BLACK BUDGET ENTERTAINMENT

STYLE43

NAHRIGHT (SCROLL DOWN, POSTED AS A BONUS, MESSED UP THE EMBED LINK BUT OH WELL, THEYRE GOOD PPLS...)

And last but not least, the cock chewing 2DOPEBOYZ - Feel free to leave a comment cussing them like a couple other people have for their snide and sarcastic comments.

NEW BATTLE VERSUS CRUGER, CHECK IT OUT

Monday, 18 April 2011

HONOUR AMONGST THIEVES (TDK Chronicles)

'Home Dubbing.... The Death Of The Music Industry"

A small sample from the Pirahna Tank™



Back in the day, when I first really got into Hip Hop in around '93, there were sooooooo many good albums coming out. So many, in fact, that not one person could possibly afford to buy them all. Luckily, I had 3 or 4 like minded friends, and so we shared the burden of paying £14.99 per album between us, unless something was particularly necessary (i.e. all of the Wu Tang LPs in my case). Once one of us had purchased a particular CD, we would either take a bag full of TDKs home with us or lend out the CD to each person at a time so everyone could get a dub.

In my case, however, a dubbed tape was never going to be as good as the full package with all of the artwork, so I always endeavoured to make the most of my dubbed TDK, usually involving a pencil, some tracing paper and a red ink pen. Observe; I really was/am this geeky with my Hip Hop.



Plenty more where that came from and all.

Friday, 8 April 2011

Vintage Vaults Throwback : Hip Hop Connection Magazine Circa '95(?)



An incredibly influential publication in its time, I purchased and read it cover to cover from 1993 until the time it unfortunately stopped being published when the 'credit crunch' kicked in and fucked everything up. However, as is the case with these things, I found a massive stack of the fuckers tucked away in The Piranha tank (shout out Eddy P) but, not having much time to play with, only had the chance to scan these 4 pages. But what a group of pages they are.

The Wu Tang spread. Look closely and you'll see A) They've put a picture of Inspectah Deck in there saying he's the RZA (WHAAAAAAAA!?!?!?!?!?) B) Raekwon is wearing a vintage Polo Snow Beach Pullover and C) you can see the tears and bits of blue tack from where I assumedly stuck this up on my bedroom wall. I think it's from 1994/95 but can't be sure, the rest of the magazine was MIA but I'm glad I kept hold of this beauty. Plenty more where this came from though.

Incidentally, I got letter of the month twice in HHC and had a total of 5 or 6 letters printed. I very much doubt I have the balls to put those up (if I can find them) but you never know. They still owe me a bottle of champagne, come to think of it.

Obviously you can see fuck all on the jpegs, so I've upped a download link for the PDFs at the bottom, should you feel the need to look at them properly (you should).

Download the PDFs and view the magnificence HERE

http://www.zshare.net/download/88755357ddf9bdf7/




And, as an added bonus, I scanned the other side of the spread. Lucky you. However, I would like you to pay special attention to the now legendary 'Connections' page, with one specific entry being quite poignant given recent happenings in UK Hip Hop.

"YNR Productions are a Yorkshire-based collective of hip-hop acts. They are in need of local deejays available for studio work and shows. Also need contacts, and any true b-boys/girls (especially locally), whether rhymers, deejays, writers or breakers, should get in touch."

I wonder if its too late to apply, haha. Download link below.

Download the PDFs and view the magnificence HERE

http://www.zshare.net/download/88755357ddf9bdf7/




Download the PDFs and view the magnificence HERE

http://www.zshare.net/download/88755357ddf9bdf7/

HHC does live on in digital format of course, and you can D/L every one so far from http://www.hhcdigital.net/ which is one again advised. Not a patch on the old hard print, but what you gonna do?

Monday, 4 April 2011

The Karate Kid Chronicles Vol.1.1 - Cornish Cobra Kai - *WITH NEW EPILOGUE!!*



When the original (and therefore the best - I'll give you my opinions on the remake at a later date) Karate Kid dropped in 1984 I, like millions of other children and teenagers around the world literally lost my shit (although, obviously, I saw the film in around '86 or so when I was just about old enough to vaguely understand life, in the most simplistic way, of course). At the time it was the single greatest movie I had ever seen and it led me, undoubtedly like millions of other children and teenagers around the world, to demand my mother send me to karate lessons lest I start crane kicking the shit out of every single person and easily breakable object in my proximity. Luckily for me, there was a weekly class held just down the road from my gaff that my friend had already previously joined a week or so earlier, having smashed his parents with an identical form of nagging/complaining/whining.



Unfortunately (as it later transpired), I took to the classes like a duck to water and quickly advanced to a yellow
belt, proving myself as superior to every other kid in my age and belt bracket. 'Why is that so unfortunate, Dave?' I hear u say. Well, due to my accelerated proficiency at the practice of the way of the open hand I was deemed as being skilful enough to start sparring with dudes a couple years older and a couple of grades more qualified than I. This promotion not only included being dropped in way over my childish Daniel-San-esque expectations of car waxing and yard work but also led to a switch up from light to full (& heavy) body contact sparring, the only saving grace being that my pretty face was out of bounds to any enquiring fists and feet.



The problem was that the rest of my body was fair game. After 4 or 5 weeks of getting my ass whipped up and down the karate club combined with the initial euphoria that the film had introduced to my then fresh and pre-pessimistic mind becoming a distant memory (VHS rentals were not a daily occurrence), I went home with my proverbial dick in my hand and a hi tek halfway up my ass and kindly requested that I not have to go back again. Ever. My mother obliged, begrudgingly.

BASTARDS


In all honesty though, Jonny Lawrence and the rest of the Cobra Kai dudes scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. If you remember correctly, they didn't just bully Daniel Larusso, there are two specific points in the film where they essentially attempt to murder him (chucking him off the bike, beating the living shit out of him on Halloween before Miyagi comes to the rescue). Without sounding melodramatic, I kind of related to the character of Larusso, me being an obvious ethnic addition to an otherwise white-and-blonde landscape of spoilt, rich bullies (some, not all, obviously).




Of course, without delving too deeply into the whys and wherefores of my childhood, the bullying I dealt with occurred throughout my teens, but having not retained any of my Karate training it was mainly ended either by my mates (of which Daniel San had none) or by my own erratic haymakers and dump tackles. As I grew older, they became drunken haymakers and rugby tackles, which seem to be all the more effective. Basically, if you're going to get bullied, make sure that you and your assailant are both shit faced drunk and everything hurts a little less for both parties. Its lucky Miyagi didn't follow my advice, otherwise Daniel San would have ended up with a mean sake addiction. Just saying.

Badge and John Lawrence action figure courtesy of THE PIRANHA TANK™ (Cheers Dad)






VOLUME 2 OF THE KARATE KID CHRONICLES COMING SOON

VERSION 1.1 - BUCKY'S EPILOGUE



A good friend of mine, from Cornwall, had this to say on the matter -

"I remember trying out the Krane kick on a kid called Kevin Williams when I lived in Gibraltar, I didn’t like him, and I did it without warning. The poor guy had an asthma attack and his mum banned our family from the local grocery store. My p’s never let me go to any type of martial art class after that incident. Incidentally, Kevin was sent to the Gibraltar Karate club by his Mum, and after three years of Miyagi-style training, he managed to obtain a black belt and then he used his skills to punch my tooth through my lip in a playground incident. Fair play to him really."

Aaaaaahahahaha. It's the chronicles, baby.

Monday, 28 March 2011

'THE PIRANHA TANK'



Having spent the last week in Cornwall back at the crib with my old man, Eddy Piranha, I am now preparing to board the Trans-England rail service back to the city of London. However, during my time here, as well as clocking up another couple of impressive hangovers, I have had the chance to raid the attic ('THE PIRANHA TANK') to see what possessions lie within, and have therefore documented said possessions so I can geek out on them on this blog at a later date, beginning soon. This also includes a number of scanned photographs and fliers etc with all of the associated stories attached. "All types of marvelous shit", as a wise man once said.

Stay tuned goons. I'm off to pack my bags.

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Geeking Out With The Space Jam Triple Play Action Set

I've been off my geek tip for a while but I'm coming back hardbody son, real talk. As you all know, I am an avid fan of Michael Jordan, from his skills as a basketball player to the fact he essentially created the greatest line in training shoes EVER. This is an undebatable fact.

So, as an avid fan, it would only be right for me to own Michael Jordan action figures, right? Right. Peep the Space Jam Triple Play Action Set.



Triple play action? Ok, so he's playing three sports, but the figures are not posable in any way, shape or form so I fail to see where the 'action' part comes in. I like the golf one the best, seeing as its completely irrelevant and unrelated to his career, as golf was/is simply an enjoyable pastime for him. It would be like buying a 'Rick Ross Triple Play Action Set', where one figure is rapping, the other figure is shotting coke and the third figure is sitting on the shitter reading a Danielle Steel novel.

Bought at a car boot for 20p many moons ago, in case you were wondering.

Saturday, 19 February 2011

.....YOU AINT GOT SHIT TO DO!!!!! (Apart From Watch The Cartoon At The End)



Friday. How can you NOT love this flick (actually, if you don't/never used to get high, I could possibly understand, but still)? It dropped in 1995, when I was 13, and had just picked up the (weed) pipe. I've barely put it down since. Chances are, at least I'd like to think, that most of you reading this have seen the flick so therefore there is absolutely no point in me going into any detail as far as the plot.



Needless to say, if you haven't seen it, and, more importantly, if you haven't seen it and you're a smoker then cancel all of your plans, grab a copy any which way you can, roll up and watch it NOW. You don't know who you messin' with baby! It's smoke dog baby!



The soundtrack is also excellent, the main reason being that it introduced my THC addled teenage mind to the works of both Rick James and Roger Troutman (double RIP), both absolute musical geniuses and legends in their own right. Go cop that.

Anyway, we all know about Friday, or at least we all should know about Friday. One thing I DIDN'T know, and this was something that my Wiz, Lil' Tika, put me up on is that at some point in the past there was an animated TV series of Friday made, and from what I've seen, its actually quite amusing.

Here follows an excerpt from episode one of season two, The Notorious T.R.E.E. Craig and Smokey notice a likeness of Biggy (RIP) on a tree in Craigs back yard and it causes a stir in the neighborhood. It's actually quite amusing and well written in parts, stacked with references that only heads could appreciate. Unfortunately the availability of episodes on the net seems to be pretty limited but if you enjoy it and you search hard enough you may be able to find some more. Peep.



As an aside, what in the fuck happened to Chris Tucker? He did the Rush Hour joints and then seemed to drop off the map completely. Not that I'm particularly bothered of course, but you know, I'm just saying. He should make a comeback as Smokey. That's probably where he went wrong, in fact; renouncing weed somoking in order to become a wholesome family entertainer. What a berk.

RIP Smokey.

Thursday, 3 February 2011

The Lo Files #3

In 'honour' of the fact that I filmed my interview for the UK Lo Life (LRLC) documentary today, I thought I'd hit you off with another edition of the Lo files. Pretty standard stuff but absolutely essential for those irregular breaks from smoking piff, drinking beer and eating burnt meat in the park during the summer.

THE LO FRISBEE




Truth be told, I've been a bit slack these last few days. That is simply down to my ball-smashing 5 day booze and drug bender in London and Brighton that ended up stretching from dinner time on Friday right up until breakfast time on Wednesday. I truly am a completely irresponsible wreck. It's just so much fun.

However, fear not constant reader, as I will very soon be returning to fine form with many, many more ramblings including some free exclusive music and a whole bunch of other good shit to send your way. Your patience is appreciated. Stay tuned my peoples, your boy Big Deezy won't let you down.

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