Fat Italian Plumber In Hallucinogenic Mushroom Induced Rap Shocker

Yep, I'm still on my 8 Bit bullshit. Anybody who is anybody (within reason) should remember that around the turn of the century the Cocoa Brovaz (nee Smif N Wessun) dropped the classic underground 12" 'Super Brooklyn'. The first time I heard the joint I went bananas and quickly snapped up two copies, such has the nature of my obsession with NES games always been. It dropped shortly after their not-so-kindly-received sophomore LP 'The Rude Awakening' (I thought it was pretty good) and is produced by the then, and still now completely unknown 'DJ Rob'. Due to the obvious sampling issues (I doubt a company as large as Nintendo would let go of any samples, and if they did you'd probably be looking at 6 figures at least) the single never got an official release, but was and probably still is widely available.





I absolutely loved and still absolutely love this joint; I'd play it every time I would DJ out without question and it was one of the first instrumentals I would jam constantly during embryonic cyphers and writing sessions. I remember thinking it was just an absolute genius idea to take the various elements of the Mario theme tune and roping them up into a dope beat. So obvious, yet nobody had thought of it until DJ Rob got busy. Of course, after the 12" dropped, everybody and their mothers starting sampling from all different types of retro gaming systems, the most notable of which (in my opinion) is Dibiase (http://www.myspace.com/dibiasebeats), a California native who has pillaged nearly every single classic NES game that you can think of.

So, imagine my shock when just the other day I stumbled across this particular gem while dreamily reminiscing over old saturday morning cartoons (a topic I will no doubt be touching on again in the future). It turns out DJ Rob and The Cocoa Brovaz were beaten to the punch......By Mario and Luigi themselves. Observe. Considering this would have aired in the late 80's the beat is pretty 'ard and the rhymes are slick enough. Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo eat your hearts out.



Snappy. Mario burned the mic son (no fire flower). I was initially surprised that the Nintendo company would have been this forward thinking in using Hip Hop as part of their marketing scheme, but then I realised that any company with any amount of sense has always exploited the art form in order to appeal to the younger generations and continue to do so to this day. Its really nothing new. With that in mind, I'm not mad at them as I could sit around playing Super Mario Bros all day and have been since I was 7. Whether or not their clever marketing gimmicks directly influenced my decision to eat Magic Mushrooms on a semi regular basis is another matter entirely and not one I'm willing to tackle right now as I'm currently in the middle of a hideous flashback and there seems to be a red shelled tortoise attempting to eat my right shoe.

For those not au fait with the 'Super Brooklyn' track (shame on you), here it is, complete with a pretty nifty video that some hopeless dork out there has conjured up. Peace out Paisanos.

(Street Fighter 2 Voice) - "PERFECT!"

A short excerpt from an interview that Stig Of The Dump, that big guy that I rap with/tour with/carry weed for gave for www.beatnikonline.net before the release of his debut LP 'Mood Swings'. Basically, Stig asked me along with the promise of an afternoon dedicated entirely to booze and Street Fighter. I wasn't disappointed. The kind lads (big up Rob Boffard and his photography buddies) found a pub with a Street Fighter 2 machine that still only cost 20p a go and then proceeded to continuously buy us drinks until we were both shit faced. That night we performed at a gig in Camden with Akil from Jurassic 5 and Louis Logic. But thats a different story.



To make it quite clear, I won somewhere between 20 - 23 matches in a row Vs Stig, Rob & the cameraman, dropping only one round in the process before retiring unbeaten. I told you I'm the BOWSE. Below is a short excerpt from the full interview, the introduction no less, which paints me in an incredibly good light (which is nice seeing as due to my status as Stig's weed carrier, I'm not mentioned again). Check the bottom for the link to the full interview.

Thats part of me on the left, not the right, in case you were wondering. The one on the right is Stig.


Stig Of The Dump is getting his ass kicked. By his hypeman.

Enlish, Stig’s cohort and fellow MC, is an ace Street Fighter 2 player. Hunched over the arcade machine in a Borough pub (“Still at 1991 prices. 20p a go!” enthuses the barman), the clacking of joysticks is broken only by Stig’s effing and blinding as Enlish repeatedly thumps him—and Beatnik, when we take over—into the ground. His new single might boldly proclaim “Fuck Street Fighter, I got game”, but right now, Street Fighter is fucking Stig.

Whether he picks Ken, Blanka or Chun-Li, he still falls to the whirlwind trigger finger of his opponent. “Dragon punch, you bastard!” yells the plus-sized rapper, and a rare first-round win is punctuated by a “Come on! Yes!” accompanied with an air-punch and a gurning victory grimace that would scare small children.


For the full interview peep http://www.beatnikonline.net/features/stig-of-the-dump

Also, in case you've been hiding under a rock for the past year, Stig's debut LP 'Mood Swings' is, and has been, available for some time now. Go cop it if you haven't already, and if you have, either jam it on now or go and buy another copy. Here's a song from it, possibly the best on the LP, mainly due to the incredible guest rapping amazingly tight bars on it (ME).



And you can cop Mood Swings, Mood Swings instrumentals, The Homeless Microphonist EP, the Braindead single, the I Got Game single and your very own HATER T shirt from here : http://stigofthedumpuk.bandcamp.com/

Peace1

"The Great Pacman Debate"

Since the genesis of home video gaming in the 1980's parents, teachers, psychologists, behavioural therapists and all sorts of other scientific quacks have been trying to figure out whether computer games really do affect the behaviour of children, teenagers and adults in a negative way. I'm not going to get into that whole debate (because the answer is obviously YES, I mean, first person shooters clearly created the global sub culture of taking guns to school in order to cap off teachers and classmates) but instead focus on the whys and wherefores of a more specific statement supposedly made in 1989 by the CEO of Nintendo himself.



This quote was apparently made by one Kristian Wilson, a man entirely UNinfamous as according to the records in 1989 Nintendo was being run by a Japanese geezer by the name of Hiroshi Yamauchi. Yamauchi was in the same position as far back as 1950 and, so 'records' show, still holds the same position today. Legend. That's 61 years! Surely that can't be right....dude must be pushing 100, can you see him throwing himself around the front room and smashing vases off the table with a Wii remote? I can't. Saying that, my great great Uncle Frank fought in both world wars, went swimming every day until he was 100 and finally succumbed to old age at 105, so anythings possible. RIP Uncle Frank.

Donning my Columbo/flasher trenchcoat, complete with cigar and gammy eye, I took it upon myself to seek out the truth behind this urban myth. With the help of the internet, I managed to solve the entire conundrum within roughly 60 seconds. This particular plot wouldn't have made a particularly interesting episode of Columbo, but I don't write Columbo (unfortunately), I write this blog, so go figure.

Upon intense research, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation style, I dug up this short statement from a BRITISH (wooo!) comedian named Mark Brigstocke who had the following to say on the matter :

"It is my joke. I wrote it, then I took the rest of the day off as I was so chuffed with it. I am gutted that it has been claimed and passed around by so many people. Intellectual property law will not save me, the false claims will continue until I am man enough to give it all up. All I can say is — it seems that it is very unlikely that it was written by a Nintendo employee in 1989, being as Pac Man was still around and not much of a childhood memory, there were very few claims that gaming influenced children's behaviour, and that the wording of it is identical to how it has been delivered in my stand up routine for 6 years! For those that are interested it has also been atributed to Bill Gates, but then so has Windows! Bitter? Well perhaps just a little. It was sent to me by someone at Channel 4 a few years back after I did it on Channel 4 in a late night stand up show!"


WOW! Now aren't we all glad thats been cleared up. I tend to believe this Mark Brigstocke character and would like to salute the man on a very astute observation. He was bang on the money.

Pacman gets caught by the Boy Dem shotting food on the corner before a Happy Mondays gig, circa 1990


With regards to computer games, I am a massive nerd for the 8 bit and 16 bit consoles and old arcade machines (Double Dragon, Marvel Vs Capcom, Vendetta etc) but after that I kind of lost track. I own a couple of NES' (one was purchased in Cash Converters with the gun, all the leads and accessories and a couple games for FOUR QUID) a couple of Megadrives (one of which I liberated from a skip a number of years ago with a bag full of games, fucking bonus), a Sega Master System and I still have a Playstation 1 hanging about somewhere, but after Wu Tang : Taste The Pain got played out it pretty much died the death.

Double Dragon for the Sega Master System. Better than the NES version. Courtesy of Dad's attic (again)


Still, don't front on the kid, I got mad skills on various games old and new (ask Tyni or Stig how I get down on any Streetfighter game), I just don't have a PS3 or Xbox 360 of my own. If I did, I'd have even less of a life going on than I do now. I do however own an original Xbox, purchased off of my boy Polish Magic for £70 a couple of years ago. The trip with that is that the things been chipped, meaning it contains literally about 30,000 games ranging from the Atari 2600 & ZX Spectrum and covering every home computer and console system all the way up to the N64. That bitch even has the hard drive unlocked so theres like 15 Xbox games up in there, including the 50 Cent joint and The Warriors. Dr Syntax and I once had an epic, bone crunching fight in the bog while playing The Warriors (an incredible game), which I won by smashing his head repeatedly against the toilet seat. Then we carried on playing the game.

Needless to say I will be wittering on about 'retro gaming' more in the future, as I intend to do with all of the other subjects that I geek out on on a regular basis.

As an aside, my obsessions with ear piercing electronic music, epilepsy inducing graphics, frustratingly difficult gameplay and all computer systems that haven't aged well at all aren't just limited to button bashing and staring mindlessly at television screens. They have also invaded my clothing habits, to a certain extent.

I copped this joint in Australia in December 2009. I think I've worn it once, just before all of the 'cool' kids (who aren't even old enough to remember what a NES is) started rocking similar garms, including those mother fucking Mario '1 Up' mushroom tees that I can't stand (again, because all of those super trendy twats in their late teens wear them).







I would, however, be inclined to break it out once more if I were able to get my hands on one of these beauties :



STANDARD. Now you're playing with power.