Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself....

I probably still look like this, but this flick has got to be 5 years old if it's a day

.... My name is DAVE. Bitches. Still. Haven't changed it legally to YOUNG TUCK yet, but I'm working on it.

So, here we are. First post in nearly two entire years. I suppose it helps that the last post I did is a write up of one of the most memorable nights of my life (seeing as there are a lot of not-so-memorable nights in my life, and not by choice - by DRUGS), but the truth will out and the fact of the matter is that my recent diagnosis of a previously undiagnosed mental health condition that I have possessed for the last 21 years has, lets say, 'hampered' me somewhat in your basic day-to-day activities.

But I'm back. It's no coincidence that I have a new album dropping on Monday 7th March.... Or maybe it is. I don't expect anyone to actually cop it, or indeed to actually read the drivel that I write, but you can call it part of my personal catharsis I suppose. More on that to come as I wholly intend (today) to continue writing this blog on a regular basis (today). Famous last words.

Right. The basics, just to bring you up to speed :

-Age : 34 (FUCK!)
-I still rap and make music, just about, and have done for 20+ years
-I barely drink or do drugs anymore (but I'm still really good at both on a weekend)
-I have a freshly diagnosed form of bi-polar disorder (dap to all you mental health cats)
-I have been re-inspired to write, make music and start hating on things due, in part, to the untimely  death of my idol, Sean Price (RIP)
- I spend a lot of time in my palatial crib with my boo, which has led me to this point, writing bullshit   for anyone who can be fucked to read it. Great, I'm sure you'll agree.

If you want anything else from me at this point then check the archives, there's plenty of good shit in there. Plenty of manic episodes played out in blog posts. Not so much of the depression, but you know, swings and roundabouts.

Anyway, I'm back. And mainly due to the sage words of my dearly departed hero.

         "I love to rap, but I hate the game."

And let's not mince words here. I FUCKING hate it. I hate the music (not all of it, but a lot of it), I hate (not all, but most of) the blogs AND the bloggers that write the fucking blogs, I hate social media and the fact that it is vitally essential to flesh out your whole fucking life on it to get views/fans/followers/likes and all that bullshit and I ESPECIALLY fucking hate the fact that the music actually takes a back seat to all of the above in the grander scheme of things. It defeats the entire purpose, in my not so humble (but 100% accurate) opinion.

But I love to rap. Still. And write, possibly. And seeing as myself and all my goon squad have grown up, have kids and barely see each other these days, this may be my only true outlet past actually slapping people, which is not out of the realms of possibility either. More on that at a later date. Oh, but I don't have kids. Which is how I find the time to write so fucking eloquently, I suppose.

Anyway, here I am, old and improved. For all of you people out there saying that the 90's (or anytime before Lil' Wayne proclaimed himself the 'best rapper alive' whilst shitting himself in a codeine induced stupor) was overrated, or, indeed, shit, I'd advise you to click off and never come back.

I'll be back shortly with more ranting, stupid fucking stories and musings on all things that occur to my chemically imbalanced loaf. And occasionally some music too, I suppose.

Until then, 'Slumdog Hundredaire' drops 07/03/2016 on enlish.bandcamp.com on digital and super limited CD and green cassette tape. It'll also be available on iTunes, Spotify, Amazon, Google, Deezer (I fucking hate those adverts) and all these other new fangled APPS that encourage short attention spans and treating music like a burning cigarette. Have a go and throw it on the fucking ground, then stamp on it. Oh yeah, the future is now. Or whatever.

And the words still ring true to this day. "Rap ain't real, my life is real; if you rap about my life, fuck around and get killed." That also goes for talk and type.There's a few names of real life people on my list. Maybe I'll air them out, maybe I won't. But what harm can it do?

Rihanna Blowing Trees

It might be old news but fuck it, its pretty cool. To be fair to the lass she gets panned in the media for supposedly turning a whole generation of little girls into sluts (another convenient scapegoat if you ask me, seeing as most young boys and girls are fuck hungry retards who will end up pregnant anyway), has had Chris Brown hit her with the snooze button (which he paid for by picking litter out of a hedge, smh) and now THIS. Lady Gaga wears a meat bikini, Rihanna smokes a dutch on holiday in Hawaii. And who the fuck wouldn't? I reckon even my old man would have a puff if he was chilling in Oahu on a sun lounger with nothing better to do. Plus ain't she from Barbados? I mean fucking hell,you wouldnt scrutinise some German bird for drinking a beer would you? Maybe if these Daily Mail retards got their heads out of their arses and blazed a few they'd figure this out.

Leave the girl alone and let her get high innit. Still not sure if she's fit though.

DECEMBER.

So, December is finally here which means that we all have to submit (if we haven't already) to Christmas trees, Christmas music, Christmas decorations AND, most crucially, Christmas DEBT. As we all bounce around the shops looking to spend as much money as we can on things that our loved ones don't need and that we can't afford (at least the majority of us) it is important to remember the TRUE spirit of christmas - that spirit being trying extra hard not to kill anyone. Although this is a rule you should follow every day of your lives (unless you're a soldier, a hit man or are in a similar line of work) I find it particularly difficult to follow at this time of year.

It's finally December. I just want to say a massive fuck you to the people that live opposite who have had their christmas tree up since BEFORE HALLOWEEN. You now all have my permission to feel festive, if thats even possible, because if your situation is anything like mine you're broke out the ass and struggling to make minimum payment on your credit card that you shouldnt be using. God bless capitalism and this divine western culture of decadence we live in.

END OF LINE.

'Like A Motherf*cking Bee'

Apologies for my lack of BS as of late, shit got pretty hectic last week what with all the rap battling and shit I was doing. It should be back to business as usual now although I seem to be creating more and more work for myself as each day passes.

As well as living my life as a 'normal' human being (working, socialising, eating, sleeping etc) I have recently become the member of a band, have had a trip to Amsterdam in 2 weeks time paid for by a producer who would like me to rap on his beats (meaning I have to write as much material as possible in the next 14 days), have supposedly picked up a new job (yet to hear a confirmation on that) and in my SPARE time have been concentrating on being a complete and utter boss, which is suffering due to time constraints.

Anyways, enough about me. How you doing? Is it? Nice.

Exciting Prospects

Cool man. Just shoot me now, yeah?

That's What Eye See #20 - BIG Scizzle

My man @BigScizzle living on that high fat diet

Lazy Blogger Excuses

Mainly this, recently -



I've been mad slack on the blog recently, but in my defence, I've been gardening and writing more classic rap tracks for you to enjoy. October, and the onset of cold weather, will see me returning to my previous top form, however. Worry not, constant reader, although I'm sure you're not bothered in the slightest.

I'm going outside. 1

RIP...

... Pour Out Some Liquor & Deezy's Saturday Jam. I just simply can't remember to do it, so it doesn't and won't get done forever, starting now.

Taye Diggs' Hairline

OK. So, a while back, Lil' Tika convinced me that it was a good idea to watch Brown Sugar starring Taye Diggs and that chick from Alien Vs Predator. I won't delve into the plot and story line of said film, all I will say about it is that in a few places there are some very poignant comments made about Hip Hop culture, which I did appreciate, but more often than not these poignant moments are drowned by typical rom-com schmultz and awful script writing. However, if you want to watch it, I will let you be the judge.

The thing that struck me most about this movie, mainly because I was mad high in anticipation of watching a flick I didn't really want to see (getting high before embarking on these experiences can often soften the blow and in some cases actually make them enjoyable) was the severity of Taye Diggs hairline (see the picture above... Im sure they've airbrushed more hair in there). The image stuck with me for some time before once again popping into my head the other night (no homo, naturally) while I was lean off that good cheese and strawberry kush mix. Anyway, in my stoned haze of self amusement, i took to twitter to voice my opinions, and here follows the fruit of my labours.

As an aside, Taye Diggs now sports a cleanly shaven head. I would like to think that I had something to do with that.

TWITTER

I just remembered how far back #TayeDiggs hairline goes. Cot dang

#TayeDiggs hairline is more fucked up than @realdrsyntax's eye sight

The Elephant Man looked at #TayeDiggs hairline and said "Wow, that shit is fucked up"

#TayeDiggs favourite #NWA track is "The Dayz Of Way Back"

#TayeDiggs makes Captain Jean Luc Picard look like Bigfoot

When considering release dates for #Detox, Dr Dre draws inspiration from #TayeDiggs hair line

One barber advertised "The #TayeDiggs" in his spot and was bankrupt within a week

Someone told #TayeDiggs to 'get his shine on'. Dude took it too literally

#TayeDiggs head looks like someone tried growing cress out of a bowling ball

I've said #TayeDiggs so many times now it has lost all meaning for me

Hey, #TayeDiggs - When Jack said "We need to go back" in #Lost he wasn't talking to the hairs on your head

When #TayeDiggs hears the words 'shape up' he literally has hairs standing up on the BACK OF HIS NECK

#TayeDiggs had his wig split in the hood and lived to tell the tale

Duncan Goodhew & Jim Kelly's hair copulated and created what you see on top of #TayeDiggs head today (or whenever his last flick dropped)

#TayeDiggs should be in a superhero movie as a villain called 'Half Head'

#TayeDiggs obviously never watched 'You Don't Mess With The Zohan'

#TayeDiggs auditioned for a part in Barbershop. No dice

Damn it, this dude actually went to the barbershop and asked for a #TayeDiggs. http://twitpic.com/5m59bi



Q : What did the casting director ask #TayeDiggs? A : "Can you say wig?"

Probably time I stop with the #TayeDiggs jokes now seeing as baldness is hereditary in my family, but then so is being a boss so whateva man

#TayeDiggs burst into tears while watching 'Hairspray'. And not the film, an actual can of hairspray being applied to real hair

The makers of 'Bend it like Beckham' are planning a sequel starring #TayeDiggs called 'Lose it like Rooney'

David Attenborough described #TayeDiggs head as "... A wasteland, similar in scope to the Australian outback...barren but for a few weeds"

Just project SAVE OUR SCHOOL onto #TayeDiggs fivehead... No need for costly canvassing campaigns, the whole world will see it

If the eyebrows are Greek and the hairline is Turkish, its a fair comparison to call #TayeDiggs head 'Cyprus'. Them 2 are NEVER making up

If #TayeDiggs hair could speak, its catchphrase would be "I'm watching your back"

#TayeDiggs gently weeps whenever he hears the 'Soul Glo' music on Coming To America

Soldiers have been advised that instead of yelling "Retreat!" when leaving combat that they are now to yell "#TayeDiggs hairline!!!" instead

If anyone wass to accidentally or purposefully push you backwards, from this point on you should say "Quit Taye Diggsin' me" #TayeDiggs

"Its easy to see when you look at me, if you look closely, Fifty don't #TAYEDIGGS"

My car has 6 gears. One, two, three, four, five and #TayeDiggs

I think the last one was my favourite. RIP Taye Diggs hair.

ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF....

My name is DAVE.



"The employee of the year, yeah I'm back to work" ^^ LOL

So, if you hadn't noticed, and I doubt a whole lot of you cared anyway, I've been off this blog ting for a while now due to my life in general being an absolute whirlwind shit storm of pressure, stress and obligations, some good some bad, revolving mainly around the back breaking hassle of self funding, promoting, attempting to market and sell an LP all by yourself. I can now say, hand on heart, that I hate the rap game totally (I love it really, I just don't know the rules too well). Additional obligations have been levied in the form of family commitments, weddings, actual work (!) and a subsequent illness that has seen me rotting in the crib for the last 8 or so days.

However, I have returned to spout bullshit, and seeing how its been roughly 6 months since I started the blog and production has slowed down in the last couple months im back to chuck a couple more logs on the fire and get the internet going nuts again. Stay tuned, all new BS talking, clothing, music and free downloads, tales of drink and drug abuse and more coming very soon, and on a regular basis.

Starting today.

As an aside, the Cold Lazarus LP has been out since the 7th of June and is (obviously) still available, just click any painting of me on the blog at the top and you'll be taken straight there. Support is greatly appreciated; I've only just really realised how much time, work, emotion, energy and money goes into this shit, so to everyone out there doing the same, keep grinding. I DO support independent Hip Hop, and I pay for something if I LIKE it, not just because its 'supporting'.

If you feel the same way as I do, and you like my music, please support the cause for essentially what is the price of a pint in the Vibe Bar (plus change). USBs nearly sold out.

New, free EP coming soon. Stay tuned boppers.

1

Extended Leave (AWOL?)

Greetings all. Apologies for my lack of blog action as of late, not only have I been shamelessly promoting my music in every conceivable way possible (buy it), I have also been in Brighton getting licked since saturday and house sitting for DJ Manipulate, which includes looking after his monster attack dog, Bonehead. Don't try and get in here, she'll tear pieces off you.

Anyway, today I'm off to Cornwall for my boy Mick Glacier's stag do. I am the best man at the wedding and therefore in charge of making sure everyone gets BATTERED. Job done. Just look at the pic... you think this dude needs any help? Really?





PURCHASE 'MESSED UP' FT DJ MANIPULATE & 'ARROGANCE IS BLISS' FT. SEAN PRICE, STIG OF THE DUMP AND DJ MANIPULATE FOR THE TINY SUM OF £3.00 AND RECEIVE THE 'RAP AIN'T REAL, MY LIFE IS REAL' LP FOR ABSOLUTELY FREE!

CLICK THE ENLISH BANNER ABOVE OR THE SMALL ALI PIC TO THE RIGHT TO GO STRAIGHT TO THE BANDCAMP!

LINKS -

BANDCAMP (£3 FOR 14 TRACKS)

ITUNES (£0.79 FOR THE SINGLE SONG)





PRESS


RAWTALK INTERVIEW

KNOWLEDGE MAGAZINE

UK ALL DAY

BLACK BUDGET ENTERTAINMENT

STYLE43

NAHRIGHT (SCROLL DOWN, POSTED AS A BONUS, MESSED UP THE EMBED LINK BUT OH WELL, THEYRE GOOD PPLS...)

And last but not least, the cock chewing 2DOPEBOYZ - Feel free to leave a comment cussing them like a couple other people have for their snide and sarcastic comments.

NEW BATTLE VERSUS CRUGER, CHECK IT OUT






PURCHASE 'MESSED UP' FT DJ MANIPULATE & 'ARROGANCE IS BLISS' FT. SEAN PRICE, STIG OF THE DUMP AND DJ MANIPULATE FOR THE TINY SUM OF £3.00 AND RECEIVE THE 'RAP AIN'T REAL, MY LIFE IS REAL' LP FOR ABSOLUTELY FREE!

CLICK THE ENLISH BANNER ABOVE OR THE SMALL ALI PIC TO THE RIGHT TO GO STRAIGHT TO THE BANDCAMP!

LINKS -

BANDCAMP (£3 FOR 14 TRACKS)

ITUNES (£0.79 FOR THE SINGLE SONG)





PRESS


RAWTALK INTERVIEW

KNOWLEDGE MAGAZINE

UK ALL DAY

BLACK BUDGET ENTERTAINMENT

STYLE43

NAHRIGHT (SCROLL DOWN, POSTED AS A BONUS, MESSED UP THE EMBED LINK BUT OH WELL, THEYRE GOOD PPLS...)

And last but not least, the cock chewing 2DOPEBOYZ - Feel free to leave a comment cussing them like a couple other people have for their snide and sarcastic comments.

NEW BATTLE VERSUS CRUGER, CHECK IT OUT

Prince William & Princess Kate Interview/Review 'Arrogance Is Bliss' Ft. Sean Price #RoyalWedding

I recently caught up with the happy couple to chop it up, twist some trees and premier my new AA single featuring Sean Price and Stig Of The Dump. What follows is an entirely truthful account of our 'conversation'.



"Wow, this jazz fag is the bomb diggy." Prince William is coughing and spluttering. As suspected, the calibre of piff supplied to this balding, regal, horse-faced batty is a little too much for his precious, jewel encrusted lungs. "Kate, darling, come and take a puff on this.... What do you call this, David?"

"Cannabis, Will."

"Cannabis, that's the ticket. Jolly good. Oh Catherine dear, do come over here and take a 'hit' on this 'cannabis' and meet my friend David. He's a rapper
don't you know, and a jolly good one at that."



Getting high with the royals is no joke, especially seeing as Prince William doesn't seem to realise that his darling Kate is blatantly getting some on the side from his snotnosed ginger Nazi of a little brother right underneath his giant schnoz and is none the wiser. I choose to keep my mouth shut regarding this. I'm at Buckingham Palace and the soon to be princess is parading around in next to nothing apparently for the entertainment of myself and Manfred, their butler. Neither of us are interested in her flat, curveless frame but humour her nonetheless as she parades around the room, tripping over and stumbling like a toddler in her mothers heels, looking more like Barbara Windsor with a booze problem in "Carry On Trying" than soon-to-be royalty. I've nearly run out of patience with her and start to wonder why I've even bothered coming here in the first place.



"Stop hogging the blunt Billy, shit" I say, snatching the trees off the little prick. "Put the music on and shut the fuck up." As soon as 'Arrogance Is Bliss' Ft. Sean Price, Stig Of The Dump and DJ Manipulate (produced by Ido) comes banging out of the speakers, the mood in the room changes noticeably. Prince Will, having taken just a little too much in on that last go round, starts having violent seizures and foaming at the mouth, convulsing, involuntarily smashing his own head against the marble fire place. Kate Middleton reacts to the music a little better, attempting to 'drop down and get her eagle on' on top of a priceless 15th century mahogany coffee table, scratching the shit out of the finish with her diamond studded Jimmy Choos. By the time Sean Price's verse kicks in, Manfred has had enough. "You fucking BITCH!! I've had it up to here with you!!!" He's screaming, tears welling up in his eyes. He has reached his breaking point.





Manfred rushes Miss Middleton, spear tackling the malnourished waif like Kimbo Slice sprinting at Tom Hanks' character in Philadelphia. There is euthanasia on his mind. He has a murderous, demonic glare in his eyes, magnified by the monacle that is ready to crack and shatter due to the pressure of his facial muscles bearing down on it's pewter frame. He throws his full body weight at her, shoulder connecting perfectly with sternum in some sort of beautiful yet brutally violent union, producing a satisfying CRACK, folding her in two with the ease of the fingers of a well trained master of origami working with damp crepe paper; she wheezes as the oxygen is forced from her body, her frame flying through the air, crashing into the wall, spraying blood all over a painting of Prince Philip (cock) before her limp, lifeless body thumps to the floor like a bag of dry dog turds. I think she might be dead, but neither Manfred nor I bother to check. She's dead to us, and that's what matters.

By this time Prince William has seemingly got himself under control. Before he has the chance to see the smashed sack of skin and bones that is supposedly his future Princess lying motionless on the floor, I quickly slam on 'Brain Basher', one of the free tracks that comes with the download of Arrogance Is Bliss, part of a 14 track package for £3 available from http://enlish.bandcamp.com. With this, both he and Manfred are invigorated; it seems that the apparent madness haunting Jack Nicholson and the Overlook Hotel in The Shining has now pervaded the walls of this very palace. While I sit back and leisurely smoke, all the while listening to the incredible music bumping out of the speakers, Bill and Manny take turns in violently headbutting each other and having a 'who can kick each other in the nuts the hardest' contest. It transpires that Prince Billy is no pushover, smashing poor Manfred in the bollocks so hard that he starts vomiting blood.



While revelling in his victory over the lowly manservant by pouring an entire bottle of Cristal over his head, William then unfortunately notices the crumpled sack of plasma and marrow that used to be his fiancee. As 'There You Go', an MOP sampling banger of a track (produced by Grill$smack) kicks in, William quickly and noticably loses his mind, shrieking like a banshee and running around the reception room in erratic circles. At this precise moment, however, he also realises the true extent of the damage to his royal testicles, sustained during the vicious kicking contest between him and the now possibly deceased Manfred. This massive physical trauma, combined with the horrible vision of his bride to be's crushed and lifeless body next to the gilded skirting boards proves a little too much for the inbred pea brain, and he faints, his head smashing once again against the marble fireplace, cracking the ornamental fixture clean in two like a master of karate chopping a wooden board.



So, there I am, still quite happily smoking a joint, surrounded by the blood and the fallout of the carnage, all created by the power of the 'Messed Up/Arrogance Is Bliss' deluxe AA side release (with free 11 track LP) available for purchase NOW from http://enlish.bandcamp.com for £3. I've had enough by now, so I get up to leave. As I'm walking past Manfred's now unrecognisable body and the gaping chasm now clearly visible on Prince Williams head, brains leaking all over the priceless persian rug, the apparently alive Miss Middleton reaches out and grabs my ankle, and with her last gasp of regal breath before she passes out, asks me - "Where can I cop the music, David?"

She is out like a light before I have a chance to answer, so I leave a business card on Manfred's now ruined coffee table and put a high quality, glossy, weatherproof sticker on Bill's head to try and help keep his brains inside.

On the way out of the palace I murder 2 beefeaters and knock a horse clean out with one punch. I then return to Brixton, giggling, buying some curried goat and ackee and saltfish from the takeaway before copping 12 hot wings from KFC with extra BBQ sauce to top it off and head home, satisfied.

I never heard from the royals again. Apparently they were supposed to be getting married or something. Bothered.



PURCHASE 'MESSED UP' FT DJ MANIPULATE & 'ARROGANCE IS BLISS' FT. SEAN PRICE, STIG OF THE DUMP AND DJ MANIPULATE FOR THE TINY SUM OF £3.00 AND RECEIVE THE 'RAP AIN'T REAL, MY LIFE IS REAL' LP FOR ABSOLUTELY FREE!

CLICK THE ENLISH BANNER ABOVE OR THE SMALL ALI PIC TO THE RIGHT TO GO STRAIGHT TO THE BANDCAMP!

LINKS -

BANDCAMP (£3 FOR 14 TRACKS)

ITUNES (£0.79 FOR THE SINGLE SONG)





PRESS


RAWTALK INTERVIEW

KNOWLEDGE MAGAZINE

UK ALL DAY

BLACK BUDGET ENTERTAINMENT

STYLE43

NAHRIGHT (SCROLL DOWN, POSTED AS A BONUS, MESSED UP THE EMBED LINK BUT OH WELL, THEYRE GOOD PPLS...)

And last but not least, the cock chewing 2DOPEBOYZ - Feel free to leave a comment cussing them like a couple other people have for their snide and sarcastic comments.

NEW BATTLE VERSUS CRUGER, CHECK IT OUT

The Roebuck, SE1 4YG

Afternoon in the park with my wiz, now off to see everyone's favourite gentleman, the ever enigmatic Russell Porter for his night of eclectic music and boozing. Started at 2 this arvo, on till midnight. The main act has unfortunately had to back out but is being replaced by a couple members of the Speakers Corner Quartet. Rup will be blessing the mic, as I possibly will, alongside a very special guest.

If you can make it, head down to The Roebuck, 50 Great Dover Street, SE1 4YG. The Elephant and the Castle, baby.



As an aside, Saturday night was a blinder. I had a 45 minute freestyle battle with some crazy American brer outside the cop shop in Brixton with all of his pals then hit up Speakers Corner and teamed up with the cypher bullies to murkalise everything in sight. Big ups to Jokerstarr, Verb T, Tenchoo, Stig and all the other heads spitting darts. One of the American dudes mates was dressed like Tyler The Creator. I was wearing the Jordan Cool Greys. He said I 'had swag'. Nice.

Hasta la vista, baby

The Curse Of The Sun....

.... No detailed blog from me.

I'M OUT!!!

Day Off

Back to business tomorrow (today).

Deezy's Saturday Jam #11 +

In honour of the recently passed April Fool's Day



I'm feeling rough as shit today, too much smoking and rapping in the studio yesterday. However, Im now heading off to this -



And then possibly to this later on in the evening -



But that is dependent on my currently undiagnosed medical condition. I will be back on my BS shortly.

1

Out To Lunch (Studio)

Im off to the studio to record a verse for the Stig Of The Dump & Dabbla project. I'll be back later with some incredible 'shit for your arse' (if it requires any more, that is).

I Like Dreaming...

*HEAVYWEIGHT KNOCK OUT MC BATTLE*

ENLISH (Me)


*VERSUS*

RIHANNA (Her)


I've been having some fucking weird dreams recently.

In last nights bizarre dream, I was having an 8 Mile-esque rhyme battle with Rihanna, over beats, 3 X 60 second rounds, in Eddy Piranhas front room. Rihanna went first but didnt have much to say, I went second but she cut me off after 8 bars. I then shouted at the time keeper to say she was cutting me off, but he was busy trying to chirps Rhianna's mate (whoever she was). Luckily, Rhianna saw the injustice in this and we agreed to reschedule the battle for a later date. What a nice lady. At this point I walked out of the house to find myself deserted and lost in a country field with no evidence of my Dad's house or Rihanna in sight. Then I woke up.

That is all.

Unconscious Shit

I had a dream last night that started with a surfing holiday and ended with me having an epic samurai sword battle with Michael Ironside (pictured) next to a swimming pool. He murked the two surfer guys that were fighting with me, I then disarmed him and proceeded to slice him into pieces, at which point I woke up.

That is all.

'THE PIRANHA TANK'

Having spent the last week in Cornwall back at the crib with my old man, Eddy Piranha, I am now preparing to board the Trans-England rail service back to the city of London. However, during my time here, as well as clocking up another couple of impressive hangovers, I have had the chance to raid the attic ('THE PIRANHA TANK') to see what possessions lie within, and have therefore documented said possessions so I can geek out on them on this blog at a later date, beginning soon. This also includes a number of scanned photographs and fliers etc with all of the associated stories attached. "All types of marvelous shit", as a wise man once said.

Stay tuned goons. I'm off to pack my bags.