So, on tuesday night just gone as I've no doubt already told you on countless occasions I was A) Pretending to be Hunter S Thompson and B) entering the annual, Valentines edition of Brighton's premier Hip Hop open mic night (12 years running and counting - surely one of the longest running in the UK?), the aptly titled 'Rhyme Date' at Slip Jam B. The premise is pretty simple; its basically Blind Date, but with rhymes. Absolute fucking genius. Let me introduce you to the hosts, the two and only Killa Black (brilliantly played by Tom Hines) and the honey voiced, ladies-choice-to-get-moist.... Golden Graham (Big Tyni Da Instigator).
There are, of course, a couple of other key elements in organising such an incredible event, namely a bunch of horny, affection craving and attention starved contestants and, obviously, a pretty young lady to ask the questions that every dateless loser out there wants to know the answer to. Allow me to introduce -
The contestants (you only really need worry about the suave looking brer with the Lo shirt on)
...And the lovely young Jennifer Linden, intent on separating the wheat from the chaff (or as I prefer, the heat from the fraff) with her carefully selected stack of mind boggling brain teasers.
Unfortunately I was completely and utterly spacked out of my tiny mind from the moment I stepped into the spot and I literally can't remember a god damn thing (re: my 5 day intoxicant extravaganza). What actually happened is anyones guess, although I can safely reassure you that I managed to win said contest, valiantly disposing of the other entrants with my wit, charm, charisma and sheer freestyle rhyming skill, bagging the chick and generally being an absolute hero (although I honestly wish that I could remember at least a little bit of it all). Truth be told I have a horrible feeling that I was woefully average on the night, but I beat 4 other dudes so it can't have been that bad. There'll be video popping up sooner or later in which you'll all be able to see how absolutely fucked I was. Good times. I think.
And here is a flick of the 'happy couple'. Of course the main problem with me winning this contest is that the prize is a date with the young lady in question, and seeing how I already have a girlfriend (holla boo!) I obviously had to decline the kind offer. I believe that young Jennifer will be using the free food and booze to entertain a friend of her choice, male OR female. Choice is a great thing.
I'm pretty sure Jenny was absolutely gutted that she couldn't have the date with me though. Here's a flick of me shortly after my triumphant display of Shakespearean prose. I mean, what woman wouldn't want to chill with the god body Big Dave? Especially when I be looking this good. Daily.
Now, having proved myself as a lothario of the highest possible calibre in person, don't forget you can head over to my bandcamp HERE to pick up that good Willy Emotion EP 'Heart Shaped Glocks', just in time for Valentines Day. Go get your wiz/man something to jam to while you bump uglies. Lets go.
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