Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself....

I probably still look like this, but this flick has got to be 5 years old if it's a day

.... My name is DAVE. Bitches. Still. Haven't changed it legally to YOUNG TUCK yet, but I'm working on it.

So, here we are. First post in nearly two entire years. I suppose it helps that the last post I did is a write up of one of the most memorable nights of my life (seeing as there are a lot of not-so-memorable nights in my life, and not by choice - by DRUGS), but the truth will out and the fact of the matter is that my recent diagnosis of a previously undiagnosed mental health condition that I have possessed for the last 21 years has, lets say, 'hampered' me somewhat in your basic day-to-day activities.

But I'm back. It's no coincidence that I have a new album dropping on Monday 7th March.... Or maybe it is. I don't expect anyone to actually cop it, or indeed to actually read the drivel that I write, but you can call it part of my personal catharsis I suppose. More on that to come as I wholly intend (today) to continue writing this blog on a regular basis (today). Famous last words.

Right. The basics, just to bring you up to speed :

-Age : 34 (FUCK!)
-I still rap and make music, just about, and have done for 20+ years
-I barely drink or do drugs anymore (but I'm still really good at both on a weekend)
-I have a freshly diagnosed form of bi-polar disorder (dap to all you mental health cats)
-I have been re-inspired to write, make music and start hating on things due, in part, to the untimely  death of my idol, Sean Price (RIP)
- I spend a lot of time in my palatial crib with my boo, which has led me to this point, writing bullshit   for anyone who can be fucked to read it. Great, I'm sure you'll agree.

If you want anything else from me at this point then check the archives, there's plenty of good shit in there. Plenty of manic episodes played out in blog posts. Not so much of the depression, but you know, swings and roundabouts.

Anyway, I'm back. And mainly due to the sage words of my dearly departed hero.

         "I love to rap, but I hate the game."

And let's not mince words here. I FUCKING hate it. I hate the music (not all of it, but a lot of it), I hate (not all, but most of) the blogs AND the bloggers that write the fucking blogs, I hate social media and the fact that it is vitally essential to flesh out your whole fucking life on it to get views/fans/followers/likes and all that bullshit and I ESPECIALLY fucking hate the fact that the music actually takes a back seat to all of the above in the grander scheme of things. It defeats the entire purpose, in my not so humble (but 100% accurate) opinion.

But I love to rap. Still. And write, possibly. And seeing as myself and all my goon squad have grown up, have kids and barely see each other these days, this may be my only true outlet past actually slapping people, which is not out of the realms of possibility either. More on that at a later date. Oh, but I don't have kids. Which is how I find the time to write so fucking eloquently, I suppose.

Anyway, here I am, old and improved. For all of you people out there saying that the 90's (or anytime before Lil' Wayne proclaimed himself the 'best rapper alive' whilst shitting himself in a codeine induced stupor) was overrated, or, indeed, shit, I'd advise you to click off and never come back.

I'll be back shortly with more ranting, stupid fucking stories and musings on all things that occur to my chemically imbalanced loaf. And occasionally some music too, I suppose.

Until then, 'Slumdog Hundredaire' drops 07/03/2016 on enlish.bandcamp.com on digital and super limited CD and green cassette tape. It'll also be available on iTunes, Spotify, Amazon, Google, Deezer (I fucking hate those adverts) and all these other new fangled APPS that encourage short attention spans and treating music like a burning cigarette. Have a go and throw it on the fucking ground, then stamp on it. Oh yeah, the future is now. Or whatever.

And the words still ring true to this day. "Rap ain't real, my life is real; if you rap about my life, fuck around and get killed." That also goes for talk and type.There's a few names of real life people on my list. Maybe I'll air them out, maybe I won't. But what harm can it do?

Rihanna Blowing Trees

It might be old news but fuck it, its pretty cool. To be fair to the lass she gets panned in the media for supposedly turning a whole generation of little girls into sluts (another convenient scapegoat if you ask me, seeing as most young boys and girls are fuck hungry retards who will end up pregnant anyway), has had Chris Brown hit her with the snooze button (which he paid for by picking litter out of a hedge, smh) and now THIS. Lady Gaga wears a meat bikini, Rihanna smokes a dutch on holiday in Hawaii. And who the fuck wouldn't? I reckon even my old man would have a puff if he was chilling in Oahu on a sun lounger with nothing better to do. Plus ain't she from Barbados? I mean fucking hell,you wouldnt scrutinise some German bird for drinking a beer would you? Maybe if these Daily Mail retards got their heads out of their arses and blazed a few they'd figure this out.

Leave the girl alone and let her get high innit. Still not sure if she's fit though.

DECEMBER.

So, December is finally here which means that we all have to submit (if we haven't already) to Christmas trees, Christmas music, Christmas decorations AND, most crucially, Christmas DEBT. As we all bounce around the shops looking to spend as much money as we can on things that our loved ones don't need and that we can't afford (at least the majority of us) it is important to remember the TRUE spirit of christmas - that spirit being trying extra hard not to kill anyone. Although this is a rule you should follow every day of your lives (unless you're a soldier, a hit man or are in a similar line of work) I find it particularly difficult to follow at this time of year.

It's finally December. I just want to say a massive fuck you to the people that live opposite who have had their christmas tree up since BEFORE HALLOWEEN. You now all have my permission to feel festive, if thats even possible, because if your situation is anything like mine you're broke out the ass and struggling to make minimum payment on your credit card that you shouldnt be using. God bless capitalism and this divine western culture of decadence we live in.

END OF LINE.

'Like A Motherf*cking Bee'

Apologies for my lack of BS as of late, shit got pretty hectic last week what with all the rap battling and shit I was doing. It should be back to business as usual now although I seem to be creating more and more work for myself as each day passes.

As well as living my life as a 'normal' human being (working, socialising, eating, sleeping etc) I have recently become the member of a band, have had a trip to Amsterdam in 2 weeks time paid for by a producer who would like me to rap on his beats (meaning I have to write as much material as possible in the next 14 days), have supposedly picked up a new job (yet to hear a confirmation on that) and in my SPARE time have been concentrating on being a complete and utter boss, which is suffering due to time constraints.

Anyways, enough about me. How you doing? Is it? Nice.

Exciting Prospects

Cool man. Just shoot me now, yeah?

That's What Eye See #21 : Romantic N*gga

This is the absolute shit. I copped this at a roadside market stall whilst Lil' Tika and I were travelling around Bolivia. I started pissing myself with laughter, much to the bemusement of the FUBU & Pure Playaz wearing stall owner. I ended up copping it for my boy Daps as I knew he'd appreciate it as much as I did. Turns out the geezer is a Peruvian RnB singer and has since changed his name to 'Flex'. Doubtful a South American singer could get away with keeping the N word as his stage name, that would be like Justin Bieber changing his name to Michael Clarke Duncan or some shit.



"THE ROMANTIC STYLE"

The Onset Of Winter...

... Has begun, in a less than traditional sense. Its still nice everyday and the temperature has only just started to drop ever so slightly. Global warming innit.

Anyway. When I first started writing this blog I swore to myself that I would keep it going for at least a year and also promised myself that I wouldnt leave it in a completely neglected form for too long. It seems that ive managed to just about keep one of the two promises at a 50% average, so I'm not doing too badly. In all honesty, the summertime is not really ideal with regards to me sitting in front of a computer, and now the shitty winter months are getting ready to set in I am, against all of the odds, attempt to get this ball rolling again.

Fact of the matter is the relatively healthy readership I initially amassed through tireless daily posting has probably slipped by the wayside somewhat, but I will prevail and keep things moving for those of you that are still interested.

Stay tuned for more bullshit talk, hip hop anecdotes, 80's film and memorabilia obsession, talk of clothes, hoes and kicks. There'll also be more music coming soon as well, so keep the peepers peeled for all the good shit.

Holla

Lazy Blogger Excuses

Mainly this, recently -



I've been mad slack on the blog recently, but in my defence, I've been gardening and writing more classic rap tracks for you to enjoy. October, and the onset of cold weather, will see me returning to my previous top form, however. Worry not, constant reader, although I'm sure you're not bothered in the slightest.

I'm going outside. 1

The Last 2 Weeks In Pictures

RIP...

... Pour Out Some Liquor & Deezy's Saturday Jam. I just simply can't remember to do it, so it doesn't and won't get done forever, starting now.

Immediate Post Break-Up Ebay Auction

This is hilarious mainly due to the fact that dude seems pretty good humoured/is not suicidal. The Q & A's are priceless too, but they take up too much room.



"If you want to look like an offensively rich footballer at fraction of the cost take a look at this bad boy. This rather delicious watch for the sportier men among you was given to me by my idiot of an ex girlfriend, who by the way ended up in bed last Thursday with Steve. Steve, for your information, is not me.

The watch has a trustworthy and comforting rubber strap, in white, which is more than you can say for my girlfriend who can't be trusted for five seconds and is about as comforting as having a lung removed. The face is clear and consistent white with simple minimalist design however my girlfriends face is covered in freckles, fake tan and has an unsightly mole just under her right eye.

This item is presented in a red gift box and is powered by a Storm battery but I no longer have the box or the instructions, still could be worse, my girlfriend unfortunately no longer has anywhere to live.

Unfortunately I have only worn this watch twice since she purchased it for me - Oh how extravagant of her -"Oh what gift can I buy my boyfriend, I know. I'll go to Covent Garden to the Storm shop and buy him a watch but come home with 12 pairs of shoes for myself and a 3 Grand Breitling for Steve" By the way she also has big feet. Size 9. On a woman, yes that's what I said she should be in the circus. "Roll up Roll up for the incredible big footed lady with a hairy eye wart"

I was going to ask Steve if after eating my girlfriend's body in front of me, he might want to purchase the watch. I also then offered him my girlfriends thrush pessaries from the bathroom cabinet. He declined both politely and drove off in his Grey 2002 plate Ford Focus - LX. Grey like his personality, complexion and most of his hair.

So as Mr Grey and Sasquatch Mole Eye wander off happily holding hands, I will be withholding all the items remotely connected to our relationship in escrow and sending them romantically on their way to eBay.

PS - As Steve is actually my boss and I punched him hard in the face and subsequently do not have a job, the revenue from the sale of these items will go toward feeding myself and my poor cat Judy, who sadly lost her tail and one of her legs in a lathe accident."

ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF....

My name is DAVE.



"The employee of the year, yeah I'm back to work" ^^ LOL

So, if you hadn't noticed, and I doubt a whole lot of you cared anyway, I've been off this blog ting for a while now due to my life in general being an absolute whirlwind shit storm of pressure, stress and obligations, some good some bad, revolving mainly around the back breaking hassle of self funding, promoting, attempting to market and sell an LP all by yourself. I can now say, hand on heart, that I hate the rap game totally (I love it really, I just don't know the rules too well). Additional obligations have been levied in the form of family commitments, weddings, actual work (!) and a subsequent illness that has seen me rotting in the crib for the last 8 or so days.

However, I have returned to spout bullshit, and seeing how its been roughly 6 months since I started the blog and production has slowed down in the last couple months im back to chuck a couple more logs on the fire and get the internet going nuts again. Stay tuned, all new BS talking, clothing, music and free downloads, tales of drink and drug abuse and more coming very soon, and on a regular basis.

Starting today.

As an aside, the Cold Lazarus LP has been out since the 7th of June and is (obviously) still available, just click any painting of me on the blog at the top and you'll be taken straight there. Support is greatly appreciated; I've only just really realised how much time, work, emotion, energy and money goes into this shit, so to everyone out there doing the same, keep grinding. I DO support independent Hip Hop, and I pay for something if I LIKE it, not just because its 'supporting'.

If you feel the same way as I do, and you like my music, please support the cause for essentially what is the price of a pint in the Vibe Bar (plus change). USBs nearly sold out.

New, free EP coming soon. Stay tuned boppers.

1

The Roebuck, SE1 4YG

Afternoon in the park with my wiz, now off to see everyone's favourite gentleman, the ever enigmatic Russell Porter for his night of eclectic music and boozing. Started at 2 this arvo, on till midnight. The main act has unfortunately had to back out but is being replaced by a couple members of the Speakers Corner Quartet. Rup will be blessing the mic, as I possibly will, alongside a very special guest.

If you can make it, head down to The Roebuck, 50 Great Dover Street, SE1 4YG. The Elephant and the Castle, baby.



As an aside, Saturday night was a blinder. I had a 45 minute freestyle battle with some crazy American brer outside the cop shop in Brixton with all of his pals then hit up Speakers Corner and teamed up with the cypher bullies to murkalise everything in sight. Big ups to Jokerstarr, Verb T, Tenchoo, Stig and all the other heads spitting darts. One of the American dudes mates was dressed like Tyler The Creator. I was wearing the Jordan Cool Greys. He said I 'had swag'. Nice.

Hasta la vista, baby

The Curse Of The Sun....

.... No detailed blog from me.

I'M OUT!!!

Day Off

Back to business tomorrow (today).

Out To Lunch (Studio)

Im off to the studio to record a verse for the Stig Of The Dump & Dabbla project. I'll be back later with some incredible 'shit for your arse' (if it requires any more, that is).

'THE PIRANHA TANK'

Having spent the last week in Cornwall back at the crib with my old man, Eddy Piranha, I am now preparing to board the Trans-England rail service back to the city of London. However, during my time here, as well as clocking up another couple of impressive hangovers, I have had the chance to raid the attic ('THE PIRANHA TANK') to see what possessions lie within, and have therefore documented said possessions so I can geek out on them on this blog at a later date, beginning soon. This also includes a number of scanned photographs and fliers etc with all of the associated stories attached. "All types of marvelous shit", as a wise man once said.

Stay tuned goons. I'm off to pack my bags.

Important Notice

I couldn't be arsed to write anything else today, in case you didn't notice.



Go click the Jack Nick pick and download 'Brain Basher' for free though, it's free.

Until next time blog heads

Today : Closed

I got pretty mash up with my boy PG last night, and despite going to bed at a relatively decent hour, I still managed to sleep till 4.30pm. I've spent the last hour watching Shelley Winters as Ma Parker in an old Batman TV show repeat. Incredible.




I'll be back on it tomorrow. Seeing as I'm back in Cornwall for the week, Eddy Pirahna's attic is getting raaaaaaaiiiddded. Stay tuned.

Oh, and while I'm at it........

F.U. MUSIC PROUDLY PRESENTS

ENLISH

'BRAIN BASHER'

PRODUCED BY SCIZZAHZ AKA JACK TORRENTS

HERE

http://enlish.bandcamp.com/album/brain-basher-leak-free-d-l

'Messed Up/Arrogance Is Bliss Ft Sean Price & Stig Of The Dump dropping 23/04/2011 on http://enlish.bandcamp.com*




*Buy the 'Messed Up/Arrogance Is Bliss' (Ft Sean Price & Stig Of The Dump) single from my Bandcamp on 23/04/2011 and get the 'Rap Ain't Real, My Life Is Real' LP for FREE DOWNLOAD as a result.

Support.

Holla

I'm Going, Going, Back, Back, To.......

CORNWALL CORNWALL

What up blog fans, sorry I been gone a couple days, had a pretty fucking mental one in Brighton on Saturday (big up all the crew) and was standardly completely fucked yesterday, hence no posting.

Just spent 5 hours on the train, now I've linked my main man Mick Glacier and we have Peroni and peng. I will be back later to regale you with stories of my various misadventures.

*PS - I'm in Falmouth. Cornwall, baby.