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Thursday, 17 March 2016

EXPO-ZAY : Jay Electronica is a DICK. The Full and true story, as I lived it.

I want it to be known, before I embark on this epic rant, that at one point I was the biggest Jay Electronica fan on the face of the planet. Every so often I get bored with Hip Hop - this has happened intermittently throughout my 23 years-and-counting love affair - and at my lowest ebb somebody inevitably pops up and once again piques my interest. Whenever it was that Jay Electronica first appeared on my radar (I want to say 2009?), my apathy for the music was once again washed away, and convincingly.

I enjoyed the man's sporadic - and high quality - output, the air of mysticism that he seemed to shroud himself with and his apparent disdain for releasing an LP, especially since everyone and their mother was lambasting him in the press and on social media to please drop an album. And, much like everyone else with an ear, I lost my shit when 'Exhibit C' dropped. But that was then. My entire Outlook - pun intended - changed drastically (an understatement) on Friday 30th August 2013.

On that date, in my estimations, Jay Electronica ceased being the almighty saviour of Hip Hop and descended into the category of being your worse than average, garden variety complete fucking TWAT. We're talking WKD side showing, lads banter enjoying, cheeky Nando's suggesting CUNT.



If this story - and it is a story, a relatively epic one at that - has thus far tickled your interest, please read on for the scoop. Also, if anyone can see fit to tweet this to him, please do so. He blocked me some time ago - before the occurrence of the below detailed incident - for taking the piss out of him because his tumblr account was (is?) called 'eventheblackgodcriessometimes'. This should have served as a hint to me, but I was too immersed in the music and the hype to really process this vital information. I should have known better. A lot better.



Jay Electronica was playing Outlook Festival 2013. I had absolutely no interest in going until this announcement was made, at which point my entire plan changed. I was in the midst of a brutal period of depression and was considering leaving Brighton so I could rot away in the relative comfort and security of Cornwall. This announcement coincided with a number of other odd life events occurring at the same time, which ultimately - and thankfully - convinced me to change my mind. But taking my unemployed, mega depressed, put-it-all-on-your-credit-card-and-worry-about-it-later ass on holiday with a gang of my best mates for a kick ass holiday on a Croatian beach in 30 degree weather was the starting point. Plus - to my giddy, school boy-esque delight - I was going with a single purpose : To watch the god Jay Electronica perform live. Psyched doesn't really cover it. I was fit to burst.


We arrived in Croatia, and subsequently at the hotel, on the Wednesday evening. Quickly to bed and straight to the beach the next morning to get the festivities started. And start they did. Drinking in the sun all day led to partying all night - big ups to Scottish Andy, if you were there then you know what I'm talking about, the dude was famous over there - and a gang of us were literally the last men standing who had to be shepherded out of the castle by the security staff.

Not particularly taken by the concept of sleep, myself and Cold Joe Smith retreated to my hotel (I was staying somewhere separate to the rest of the gang) and kept it moving by simply continuing to drink. I was on pregablin at the time, which is apparently an anti anxiety medication. It never did anything for my anxiety, but if you knocked a couple down after a beer or 10 it would make you - and I choose my words carefully - wavey as all hell. Anyway.

After cleaning up and having something to eat, Joey and I returned to the beach. We obviously had a lot of fun and saw a bunch of other cool acts during the weekend (Pharoahe Monch was a particular highlight) but I'm trying to get to the point here.



Drinking all day in 30 degree heat on the beach once again led to the night time partying when the fort opened it's gates. No sleep, mind you. And tonight was the night, the night I would watch my newly crowned idol perform his life-changing songs for, as far as I was concerned, an audience of one. Every time I came close to passing out or falling asleep I managed to jolt myself awake with this thought. THIS IS WHY YOU'RE HERE, DAVE. Fix up and get more intoxicants in you. At some point in the evening the time came for us to get where we needed to be. Cold Joe Smith, a true gentleman and one of the most stand up geezers I know, excelled himself once again by essentially keeping me upright throughout the evening so I got to where I needed to go. Thanks Joey, you're a legend.

If you've never been to Outlook before (and I'd recommend it), basically you're all on the beach all day, drinking and chilling. As the sun is going down the gates to a large fort are thrown open and you are presented with a number of choices of venue, located both inside the castle and also down and around many twisting lanes, moats and dungeons. It's cool. Jay Electronica was due to perform in a surprisingly small area just outside the castle itself. And off we stumbled.

When we got in, J-Rocc was playing. All good. I was waved to within an inch of losing control at this point, but I had made it and only needed to wait another half hour, so I stomped to the front with a gang of booze and gripped on to the metal fence partition for dear life. I was getting the best seat in the house for this shit and nobody was going to stop me. J-Rocc played, I danced (or at least did my approximation of dancing) and Joey and I did our little two step for a while until, finally, my life-defining moment was nearly upon me. J-Rocc packed it up, the lights went down, the anticipation in the air rose palpably and a figure, shrouded in the dark, gave us the traditional 'CHECK 1-2'. And then, as they say, shit got real. Really real.

Me, at the front, smack bang in the middle. Sunglasses. Beer. Beard. That's me. 

He was drunk. Not Christmas day drunk, not Friday night drunk, not even stag on the stag-do drunk. We're talking balls-out, angular eyed, bow legged, blind-as-a-bat, fuck feeling this in the morning you're going to feel it next week DRUNK. He was clutching the biggest bottle of Jack Daniels I have ever seen - you know, like one of them stupidly big ones that people with more money than sense have in their houses to 'look cool' or whatever - and he wasn't shy with it. He did, however, caveat the entire situation and that of the one to come with the following words (and I'm paraphrasing here, because I was also mortal) - "I get drunk when I do shows because I get really nervous." Not what I wanted to hear.


Yes, I was wasted. Yes, I was barely standing. But the overwhelming feeling of disappointment dropped on me like an anvil. I had my analytical mind on, despite my inebriation - after all, I had been looking forward to this precise moment for months and had spent a fair amount of money to get me in the position I was in, let alone giving my depression the temporary finger to allow me to go anyway. But, in all honesty, that is the last thing you want to hear a performer say at ANY gig, let alone one of this magnitude. As I said, bad start, but I've performed drunk enough times so I figured it couldn't be that bad. I was WRONG. Dead wrong.

The following transpired over the course of around, as I remember, 33 minutes. His set was due to be 45.

He started a track. I can't remember which. Fluffed it within 16 bars. Too drunk. He might have tried it a second, maybe even third time, with the same results. Mortally drunk.

WHEEL IT UP WHEEL IT UP WHEEL IT UP FUCK THAT SHIT, or words to that effect.

Cheers. Actual cheers. I'm confused.

Blabber blabber blabber, blah blah blah. All talk. No songs, no rapping.

He might have attempted another track at this point, he might not have done. If he did, he fucked it up. This I can guarantee. But that didn't matter, not to him anyway, and seemingly not to anybody else either apart from muggins here. The only thing that mattered at this point was STAGE INVASION! STAGE INVASION! STAGE INVASION!

Crowd empties and rushes the stage. I'm still clinging onto the front rail at this point. He had done nothing, literally NOTHING to justify a fucking stage invasion or any other behaviour to warrant any other stupid, pointless, immature school boy demands at this point. But the crowd gleefully accepted the offer; anything to be on stage with 'The Great' Jay Electronica. The great Jay Electronica who, at this juncture, had not seen fit to even complete a single song. A single VERSE, for that matter. I reckon about 15 minutes had passed by this point. My not-impressed levels were growing exponentially. But it's OK, you know, he's having fun, they're having fun, maybe I'm the one with the problem, right?

The stage invasion.
Security are getting a little tetchy with his antics at this point and, after a few more precious minutes had elapsed, cleared the stage for him to presumably continue with his 'show'. And continue he did - in exactly the same drunken, non-committal, bullshit no-rapping-ass way he did before. I think at this point he attempted another song, failing miserably. As before.

Next, after probably a total of 3 minutes of completely cocked up rapping had been attempted, came the crowd surfing. Of course! Crowd surfing! I mean, there's a raised stage and a crowd, what else are you going to do? Use the electrical equipment present to actually perform songs, or jump into the beckoning arms of the drug addled crowd to enjoy their adulation that you clearly so desperately need to feel any level of self worth in that rugby ball head of yours (more on that little bit of psychoanalyisis later)? The latter, of course! And there I was, stupid me, expecting to see some actual rapping. From a 'professional' rapper who never releases any music and barely ever performs. Slowly, the pieces started slotting into place, even through the crashing waves that my brain was drowning in.

Why be on stage rapping when you can just fuck about in the crowd instead? Cock.
Crowd surfing completed, he may or may not have attempted to rap again. It genuinely doesn't matter. It's what came next that matters.

On the other side of the metal partition that I was initially clinging too so desperately was a slightly raised platform, designed so the performer can stand within a few inches of the crowd but still be seen by all. Jay Electronica, approximately 33 minutes into his 'set', mounted said platform directly in front of me to talk more slurry, drunken shite and not rap. I'd had enough by this point. I not-so-politely poked him in the stomach and beckoned him closer, interrupting whatever bullshit 'god on earth' monologue he was flapping his lips through. I said, and I quote :

"Are you actually going to do any rapping, or are you just going to talk shit for your entire set?"


Drunken eyes met drunken eyes and, for a moment, I thought my genuine question might be taken as a form of challenge by which he could undo all of the wrong that he had done over the previous 30 minutes and actually make the last 15 count. I was depending on him to be an adult, and a professional at that. I was gravely mistaken.

Do you remember being a kid in the playground at school? When one of the other kids who was emerging as some what of a social magnet would start up an inane chant, usually at the expense of some other kid who was in no position to do anything about it other than fight (if they could)? You know, that classic sign of low self esteem that is shared by insecure bullies with a platform the world over? Yes? Well. That happened. To me.

"This guys a hater! Hey everyone, this guys a hater!!!!", he proclaimed. And thus the chants, to be joined in with by every member of the crowd bar me and maybe a few others.

"HAAAAATTEEEERRR. HAAAAATTEEERRRR. HAAAAAAAAAAATTTTEEEEEEEEERRRR."



You get the picture. I'm blitzed out of my god damned gord and now this shit is going down. I was genuinely speechless; add the fact that there was literally nothing I could do and so I just stood there, gobsmacked.

"HAAAAATTEEEERRR. HAAAAATTEEERRRR. HAAAAAAAAAAATTTTEEEEEEEEERRRR."

Now, let's rewind a minute. It's me. I'm not a bad guy. As far as I'm concerned I was there to see him rap. I'd paid for a very specific service that was promised in the run up to this scenario and I didn't get what I paid for. So I went directly to the source of the issue to complain. I think that was justified. 

And now let's rewind a minute more. At the beginning of this piece I very clearly stated that I was incredibly depressed at this point in my life. Like, literally suicidally depressed. No exaggeration. So, putting aside his absolute incompetence on the mic and his complete and utter disrespect for the show, the punters and the culture, for Jay Electronica to specifically target me - when I had simply asked for what I'd paid for - and proceed to try and crucify me in public was a pretty fucking ugly thing to do. It's lucky I'm made of sterner stuff because I dread to think what sort of effect this kind of attempted public humiliation could potentially do to somebody else who was going through soul crushing depression and suicidal thoughts. 

The irony is, of course, that I am personally of the opinion that Jay Electronica is one of these very same people. Lack of confidence, low self esteem, feelings of inferiority, the need to drink; all of this can explain his behaviour on this particular evening, his lack of any meaningful body of musical work being released, his apparent seclusion from public and his bizarre and sporadic online rants. If the shoe was on the other foot I'd imagine I'd be making him feel pretty bad about himself. Again, lucky I've got enough gas in the tank to see me through. But still, fuck this guy. Anyway. Back to the story. 

Seconds turned to minutes turned to hours. In a position of complete impotence and somewhat fearing for my safety at this point, I quickly retreated back to where a few of the gang were cotching and we got the fuck out of there. What happened afterwards is a blur but it wasn't long before I retreated back to my hotel and passed out - hard. I could barely speak or stand up and the looks of concern on my friend's faces were clear even to me, given the state I was in. The day was done.

Cue the next morning. We've all been there. Wake up and realise you're a living, breathing human being to be swiftly followed by the realisation that you're a living, breathing human being with the mother of all come downs and hangovers crammed into the few inches of matter between your ears. And with the realisation came the memories of the night before. Oh dear, Dave. Deary, deary me.

I got up, showered and returned to the beach with my proverbial tail between my legs but with a palpable feeling of anger still churning in my gut. It wasn't long until I knocked into the guys. Nobody mentioned anything about the 'Jay Electronica incident', for which I was grateful, and at the time part of me figured that if everyone was as fucked as I was then maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. But it was still irking me, so I did a little gentle digging to find out what had happened after I was so unceremoniously chased out of the giant 9 year old's personal playground. The resulting reports were.... satisfactory. To say the least.

With the remaining 10 or so minutes he did manage to crank out 'Exhibit C', as referenced in the Outlook highlights video (the editors must have worked overtime to get that looking like something resembling a famous rapper performing a show like a professional), but how much of it he managed I know not. What I do know is that the moment his 45 minutes were up the lights came on and the mic went off.



This displeased the great Jay Electronica greatly. Maybe the realisation that he hadn't actually performed one whole song had dawned on him; maybe he was having so much fun that he felt slighted; or maybe, just maybe, he's an insecure prick who drinks for self esteem and, in turn, starts genuinely believing that he's the rapping version of Prince or any other artist who is actually worth your time and effort and he should therefore be treated as a male Mariah Carey, diva-ing his way through life with a basket of fucking puppies on his rider. It matters not.

Lights on, mics off. But that won't stop Jay, oh no. Cue the shouting, screaming tantrum, with words to the effect of "FUCK OUTLOOK FESTIVAL, FUCK THE SECURITY, I'M JAY ELECTRONICA, YOU'RE NOT SHUTTING ME DOWN" rah di rah, blah blah bullshit. And then, so I'm told, as he was being politely shepherded off stage by the security (as he was refusing to leave of his own accord), he managed to trip and fall over in full view of everyone, cementing his legacy as the biggest prick of the whole weekend.  Maybe it was that 800 litres of JD he necked to 'calm his nerves'.

Either way, and needless to say, I felt fucking great. I felt, and still feel that I made a genuine stand for the culture that night and told the cunt exactly what I thought of his performance. I'm sure KRS would have taken it a step further. What. A. Prick.



Now, since that time I have obviously disposed of any and all evidence of Jay Electronica from my life. If the odd mp3 jumps on in a shuffle, it is quickly skipped, including 'Exhibit C'. I literally can't even hear the man's voice or look at that stupid fucking face on that giant melon head of his without my blood pressure rising. Oh, how things have changed.

You may be wondering why I've shared this now, rather than before. Truthfully there are two reasons. One, I have been dealing with my own issues and, as such, have not been writing this blog for two years. Otherwise I would have done it earlier. And two? Well. Let's just say that, as we all know now, every so often this insecure, emotionally unstable psychopath crawls out from under whatever rock he's been hiding beneath to talk some absolute shite on the internet in an effort to, I presume, remain 'relevant'. And thusly he has done so recently, talking shit about one Kendrick Lamar.

Remember what I said earlier about that one artist popping up every so often to restore my faith in the music? Well, Kendrick is that dude. Without straying too far off topic I genuinely think the guy is incredible for a number of reasons. Technically a great rapper, covers all angles, incredible lyricist, politically minded but not in-your-face with it, grounded, down to earth guy, etc etc. Not to mention his two albums (I haven't checked the new joint yet) are, in my opinion, two of the best Hip Hop albums of recent times. At this moment the guy can do no wrong in my estimations. Basically he's everything that Jay Electronica isn't.

So they do this 'Control' track and Kendrick absolutely bodies it. Drops one feature verse and proves himself to be without peer in the game in between making two albums of amazing music with nary a battle verse in sight. "It's funny how one verse can fuck up the game." Indeed.



Of course, Jay Electronica has the displeasure of going after Kendrick on the beat and rapping about angel wings and Egyptian scriptures and all that other complete bullshit that I used to buy into. Of course, I wasn't checking for him by this point, but it was a pleasure just to hear Kendrick burn him so comprehensively.




However, obviously operating in the full knowledge that Kendrick has popped that fucking beach ball head of his for good, he pipes up on some bullshit Q&A session whilst taking a break from rolling around in Rothschild money to give his opinion on the track. And, of course, he's full of shit. 'Kendrick is my son, I made Kendrick Lamar, he didn't say anything in his verse, I had the better verse, everyone knows it' etc etc etc. Absolute, grade A solid gold bullshit.

He obviously hasn't been keeping up on current events as far as 'Black Lives Matter' protestors adopting one of Kendrick's fucking songs as the official theme for fighting the power. Fighting injustice. Fighting for equality. Protesting in the face of police brutality. All the while Jay Electronica is flitting about the English countryside and shooting ducks with his billionairess waif by his side (I assume).

While Jay Electronica is hiding in his little hole and doing precisely fuck all, writing bullshit verses about being a black saviour or black jesus and drinking from the everlasting fountain of youth with Abyssinian angels, and NOT releasing any music, Kendrick's music is currently having this effect on real people, in real life, with real problems, looking for real solutions.







Not to mention behaviour like this :



Not hiding away and TALKING about doing shit. ACTUALLY DOING SHIT. Making a difference in the world. Using his platform to send an important message and to try and do some good in the world, all the while making incredible albums of music. Basically everything Jay Electronica isn't doing, and never, ever will do. Talk about self obsessed, delusional thinking.

Does anyone give a shit if this clown ever releases an album now? You know my take on this. As I read the other day, 'Jay Electronica is the only dude who's been up and coming since '05'. Doing your best mean girls impression with your little fan base on your little online Q&A session will do nothing to change the fact that nobody really cares anymore. Nobody gives a shit about the breath in the trees or how many messages from Moses you found in a laminated wooden box at the top of a fucking mountain.

Kendrick Lamar you are NOT, you big brick headed motherfucker. Get drunk, get on Twitter and get Erykah Badu and Jay Z to call you to shut it down because you're a drunken prick with no self control. Delete all of your Twitter posts. Repeat every so often. Never grow up, you Peter Pan ass motherfucker.

'eventheblackgodcriessometimes'. Maybe the black god should try growing up, maybe laying off the booze and ego stimulants and try NOT being a cock sometimes. Or you could release some music? Maybe not.

Ladies and gents, I give you Jay Electronica - a true twat amongst men.

Hanging out with a dude so you can steal his girl. Classy. 

And, as a footnote, let us not forget that he stole his Mrs off some other guy, even if he was a 1% tory douche bag. Snakey motherfucker. And bearing in mind that she is a Rothschild, it may be worth considering that they are pretty much single handedly responsible for the gap between rich and poor in this world. Literally. What a fucking joke. Are they still together? Who knows. Who cares?


So yeah, Jay Electronica. Can't wait for the album mate. When's it dropping? Oh yeah, two thousand and NEVER. Get fucked you butter nut squash headed dweeb. Suck out for eternity.


Sincerely,

A one time fan who got wise to your bullshit.


God I hate this prick.



Otherwise, it was a real swell time. Big up Rag N Bone, Beth (thanks love!), 184, Neil B, Beth 2, Cold Joe Smith, Tyni, Dabbla, Sumgii, Lulu, Marieke, Syntax, Pete Cannon and anyone else that was there that I clearly don't remember. Oh, and Scottish Andy. Thanks, man.





4 comments:

  1. Goddamn. This was the longest I've ever seen anyone take to write "Jay-Electronica was very drunk for his set and I'm a whiny baby who wanted to sulk in a bad time and feel sorry for myself instead of just having fun anyway."

    ReplyDelete
  2. loooooool this nigga.. got me ctfu with his bitchass GAHHH

    ReplyDelete
  3. Did you know that you can shorten your links with Shortest and receive $$$$$ from every click on your shortened urls.

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  4. Jay Electronica? More like GAY Electronica. M I RITE?

    Jay Electronica? More like Jay Erect Cock In Ya. M I RITE GUISE?

    FUCK that dude. His bars AIN’T SHIT!

    ReplyDelete